This morning (i said morning because i slept at 4), I had this dream of being in some school canteen with lots of NCC guys in their no.4 uniform. teddy, zk, kw was there. teddy was sitting alone, and someone even my mum was there. I ran up to teddy and pull him to see my mum, introducing him to my mum.


miss my teddy too much ba... lolz.


just now, pretty piss with myself, because of the drawings again.... then my bro say never to send me to uni. -_-!!


bad day.

i hate hate hate this kind of helplessness. i hate it. seriously dislike feeling so helpless. like there's nothing i can do to repair it. i dun like to feel as if nothing can make it right. i just hate it.


ever since my sec sch days, i had never ever felt so helpless over tests or exams. even so, there's someone there to make it better... anyway thats besides the point. i had never felt so helpless before... and it make me scare.. another feeling which i wanna keep it far far away...


i rather be sad, be unhappy, upset, but not helpless and scare.. its just too terrible. too soul consuming.


someone take all these feelings away hao ma??


at time like this.... i miss drinking...

Ya, was out for dinner today again. My brother's treat. Not bad. Fish Head Steamboat was the main reason for the trip down for dinner.


Was wearing that blue skirt and for no reason, the wind is like everywhere I go. So ya, the skirt ended up flying around. Now I know whats the main purpose of the second layer is for. lolz. And ya, got nagging from mum about the length of my skirt.


Went to Robinson at Raffles City after dinner and saw Hup Hua working there. It seems like this year, robinson decided to change the dress code to black. When I worked there, it's white and then red for the main sales period. Haiz, how I wish mine was black too. So cool!!!


Came home and had a good scare by the cockroach in my living room!!! Shit. It can fly! Scare the hell out of me. I thought what a insect was that. Had me screaming into my mum's room and staying there till my grandma went out with me. She chases the cockroach while I stand on the sofa. lolz. Ya, I'm scare hit of it. After it got chase into the kitchen, she lost sight of it so we closed the kitchen door and wait for my dad to come home. After he bathe, he spotted the cockroach again. And the battle continues.....


And the winner...


Of course is my dad! haha. Poor cockroach to die in my dad's hand, but who ask it to fly into my house and BULLY me! ha. that will show you, never mess with the guys in my house.


my dad ask me not to be scare of them if not next time my husband scare of insects also how? then i told him my husband will not be scare of insects, if not i wont marry. lolz.


and did i mention before??
i love my garfield...

and the bastard..

*ahem*


I got announcement to make....


Mr Koh Yeow Tong caught a Mega-BIG garfield on 23 Dec 05 at Causeway Point. If the Garfield is to stand, it will be up till my butt/waist. Ya, just to imagine how big it is. And, it takes up one whole seat at the fast food resturant AND cant sleep with me because its just too big.


haha. the announcement is done. hope mr koh is happy now. because I know he's damn proud of himself for catching such a big soft toy. And since now cl is attach, no need to hide my garfield anymore!!!! coze she got her boy boy liao.. no need soft toy... i need my soft toys!! lolz...


think going out eat later again.... hvnt study.. and my eyes got infected again... lalalala... but i'm a happy ger as from yesterday...

Hugging garfield while typing this... I guess I need the comfort and warmt that he (as in garfield) provides. Its so good to have such a big and huggable soft toy! If anyone of you are feeling rich, feel free to buy me a mega big soft toy that is huggable!!! haha


Anyway, went out to meet step and ping today, my secondary school friends. So happy to see them! And today is step's birthday... happy birthday! Hope you enjoy today, I did. Been 2 years? ya, almost there. Though its tiring since I hadnt been out for such a long time, but its fun. Had lunch, walked around, bought a pair of jeans (its so damn cheap! $33 only!!!! under my budget, can get more stuffs le.. thinking of my skirt again), took neoprint and took 174 home.


But then again, there's something that pissed me off today. All because of him. Yes, I know, all of you would be asking me, why cant I let go after so long. If, you know what happened from starting to end, all the details, you might take back your words. But they are for me to know, only.


Today, just when I thought my heart cannot be broken into even smaller pieces, it did. I guess if my heart is really make of glass, it would had became glass powder by now. lolz. Like I say, ask because you want to, and not because of others. Mr Ng, I believed I had told you this before.


He crushed everything that I believe in. He crushed the trust I put on the words he said.


So, guys, please dont say stuffs you all dont mean.


And, please do not think that he's a bad guy, because he's not, he did help me before. Which is why its harder for me now. Dont blame him.. =)


maybe... i should get that skirt... to heal my heart.. lolz.. since i'm in love with it...


i'm hungry...

Fell in love with a long skirtttttt..... how? should I buy? I already have like 4 new skirts.. 1 pink, 1 jeans de from zl shop, 1 dark green from taiwan and 1 green from this fashion... after i bought that skirt from this fashion then i saw that long skirt at the temp store outside. then its like those 2 layers kind. very nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how? maybe after test bring tong go see... see he say what. hehe.


teddy say waste money... -_-!!


but.. i really like... haizzz...


maybe.. just maybe... i should get it? really like!!!!!!!!!!! but then. this yr really spend alot le... lolz.


then ordered a new sofa set today... yuppie! finally.. will have a new sofa set! its L shape, so got more space for my soft toys. haha. must understand, i now have 2 big soft toys! one doggie and one garfield. hehe. =D


now, i lack a new tops and a jeans, and the colection is complete! hehe. my own line of collection. maybe if i nothing better to do, take photos of all my clothes. easier to see next time. wahaha..

I dont know. Confuse? Lost? Maybe somehow everything stopped during then.... How long had it been, I seriously dont know the number of months. It seems so long, but it hadnt even been one year. And I'm already so tired...


I had my share of 'crazy' life for around 1 and a half year. And I guess the happiest too. Happily went to Japan and back, drink till I vomit, happily smiling and laughing from my heart..


No one really knows what happened during that whole time. Only one person did, I guess, other than myself. Even my parents nor my brother know about my 'night life'. Reading back the entries, I smiled, and not cry, coze I was truly happy. So xin fu. Not that I'm not xin fu now, its just different. I just cant bear to delete them.


Maybe I shouldnt had given that night life a chance. It all started from there...

Everything stopped when it ended.

Its just as simple as that.

Till someone can make the clock ticks again.

Waiting for that day.

Now its like what they say, you never know what you have till you lost it. Is it my fault? Maybe... I lost it... Suddenly I realize how happy I was then...

Though today's Christmas Eve, but not a good day. Parents arguing so poor me has no breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lucky my auntie bought some food for me when she comes back. If not I guess I will be straving like don't know what now, PLUS, there's not much frozen food left, only one slice of pizza and fish fillets, not enough to wrap up a meal. And I'm sick of instant noodles since I had been eating them for like 3 or 4 times this week!


On wedesday went down to jurong west to sent my contact lens to service and also to market. My mum told me the shop opens at 11am, but end up is 11:30am. So I went back to the POSB near the market to apply for debit card and then took the bus back to the specs shop and wait for the uncle and then took the bus back to the market again. And finally back home. At least, dinner that night is better. Unlike other nights.


Thurs went for the bookshop's training. Actually nothing much. Just listen for like 1hr 30mins and then pack some stuffs, arrange and went home.


Yesterday was fun! Woke up damn early, at 5:15AM! Wash up and went to the bus to Ngee Ann to meet tong and jas. And then to NYGH. Abit more of briefing and we went to our own counter. I'm with tong while jas is the coordinator. That few hours is really chaos. Things are selling fast, stuffs went out of stock, running off to the next room for books, missing books for customers, long ques etc etc. Lucky tong very fast with his cashiering so got time to help me pack also. lolz. If not I guess I more blur. haha. Primary school de also never so chaos. When it ended, the whole place looked as if we just ended a battle. In some ways, it's really a battle. Most of the customers are really nice parents. Collected our pay, and ate the lunch provided by them. Not nice de. =X But still edible. Waited for tong, then went out with tong, meiyi (or is it li?) and kuan wei (if i not wrong). Fun fun!!! Tong's friend like jas boy boy like that de, quiet quiet, but once lame, dont know how to reply him de. Went to waste money for awhile and then went to Mos for a drink and also to rest our legs. Tired. Then that tong started to talk about those stuffs, made my hairs all STAND! So bad. Lucky I found my sense of security. haha. Dinner at Mac and then train home. Really very fun to go out with them yesterday. Its like after work all went out together to relax and have fun. The feeling very good. And poor me keep getting bullied by tong, as usual. BLEAH! But tong also very good lah hor. But his friend more gentleman! haha.


Hope tomorrow's a better day.

And


MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HA! My mum was so shocked when she opens the door and saw the 'broom' in my hands! Those kind stick the paper then wipe the floor de. She asked what did I do wrong today. lolz.


Actually it all started with AE86. Coze yesterday yh passed me the casing she helped me bought then its like quite big so have to find place to put. At first just wanna find a place for the casing which is at the top shelf on the wall. Then the cleaning slowly went to the next layer then the next and the next. When it reaches the table, might as well tidy up everything, so did the other shelves, the tv table, etc etc. Threw away 3 BAGS of rubbish, mainly plastic bags which I collected over the years from shopping, and also stuffs that I just keep 'collecting' them on my table and dont bear to throw away. But today, I did. lolz. Alot of things got threw away. And rearrange where things are being put, and now, my table is so EMPTY! And also, the whole room look alot less messy and cleaner. wahaha. Must take pic later. Everytime I clear my room, I take a pic because I will never know when I can see which a room again. lolz.


Tomorrow cooking dinner again coze thurs working le. Suddenly feel like cooking. See the dishes every night sian le. =X

i really really wanna throw the paper away. i swear if the lec put the things on mel, i would hv thrown the paper away. never. shall draw it away when the paper ends! argh. at least if i can crush the paper, it will make me feel better. then now cannot crush the paper, cannot do anything to that drawing, then like the 'fire' keep growing and growing but cannot come out. will burst soon ba. think on that day i will draw till throw paper throw pencil or whatever. maybe should buy extra pencils go. then can throw. argh.


today its like the first day of the study break only, then i wanna go crazy over that stupid ila paper liao. idiot loh. the exercise so easy then the test will so difficult. f him.


i fear tests and exams. because i will never know when i will reach my limit and just totally breakdown and not recover from there. all because of one mistake, i hv to pay for my whole life?

Still got 2 more trays of cheese sticks waiting to be put into the oven and I'm done!


Surpisingly, I woke up at 9plus this morning and started to bake the cheese stick. My first baking on my own, as in wash myself, bake myself, prepare myself, everything is done by me only. lolz. And its a success. If you like cheese, you would like this, because basically, the whole thing is make of cheese, flour and butter. Best to go with milk.


Guess later have to start revision or at least draw the ILA. I more interested in ILA.

Today, had my first test for this sem. Stress. But still, finished the paper. After which, really is feel so relieved. Even slept peacefully for the first time in ages, even almost fell asleep on the bus.


Actually didnt study much for the test, only read twice? But its like going in and then coming out at the same time. =X But then promised teddy to read through, so I did. haha. I wanted to do well, but really don't have the heart to study. I guess ever since I know him, I had been studying for him, because of him. Esp in poly. But now, there's nothing to study for. Strictly speaking, of course there's something to study for, my future, to meet people and my own standard, but I guess, the drive is not hard enough. Scoring well is to show myself that I can get good marks even without him. But so far, I failed to show myself that. Dont ask me why, but even though I study extra hard for the paper, like for last sem, the results still sucks...


Anyway, yesterday went out to trim my eyebrown and also for dinner, which explain why I never study. lolz.


At last, today, I will be able to sleep early. And most importantly, feel rested. Then next week study and work.


Feel like eating something good. lolz. Nowadays my mouth no taste, till very uncomfortable...

without you, everything i do seems to fail

Having crying spells nowadays... Abit of things, can make me drop a few tears or even more. Like today, when he never give me what I asked for. It just remind me of that day when he wasnt there when I need him. I trust my friends not to do that to me, but he did. I don't know what to say or face him....


Plus today never started out well, forgotten to bring my ezlink out, cant sleep on the bus even though I'm like dead tired, bought the wrong notes to school, cant get the coffee that I want from that stupid machine....


Then reached home, wanna cut hair but the person not free then she also ap, so decided not to go there to cut hair at all. Actually my mum wanna let me go perm my hair, but say and say, they all like my current hair so never do anything to my hair. Then I only tell my mum that actually after perming, 24 hours cannot wash hair then she say me learn this kind of things, then I was like, only telling her, then she say me, so I angry then go sleep. 5 then wake up. lolz.


Haizzz, I was so tempted to do something to my hair, wanna cut it short, perm it, highlight, or whatever shit. Just something! I wanna do something crazy!


Just when I just got back on my legs, you destoryed it again. And now, I have to climb back on my own. Because now I realized, I cannot depend on anyone to help me climb back when I fall down.


Soon, I will be breaking down. Or rather, I had.

i was right all along.

people only wanna deal with smiling people.

Today in school cant even finish half a pear. Actually don't even feel like eating, but had to eat something for the sake of eating. Dont even enjoy the pear, just keep biting only. bleah. Then 1/4 of the pear dropped on the table, then no need to eat le. lolz. I know I must eat, but just don't feel like eating. Then finish the chocolate I bought in the morning.


After almost 6months.... I had the courage to talk to him again. 6 long months..... Hopefully... one day we can talk about everything and anything again. Another 6 months? One year?


The presentation today sucks. Firstly, I never prepare enough. Secondly, I heart issnt even into the project since the start. Thirdly, I just don't feel like doing. Screwed things up.


Tomorrow I saw go and apply for debit card! wahaha.. another card to my collection. lolz. then next time is sign card and not press number liao.. hehe.


miss her old self..

Had mood swing yesterday night. Don't ask me why.


But by the time I went to sleep, I'm already ok.


Today never do much, just rotted and went to JP twice. Once in the afternoon and once in the evening.. I wish everyday can be like this.


Bought a soft toy for lene, tibits, buster weekly cheesecake from coffee bean, lots of stuffs from NTUC, a new PILLOW!!!


Finally, my OWN new pillow! Had always been sleeping pass me down pillows coze always too high and hard. But went to the hush puppy clearance sale and the pillow is just right, soft soft de. love it. $9 onli.


tomolo got crm presentation yet i hvnt prepare for it. =X never mind, will work hard for the next one. from tomolo onwards must go back to normal. =D


then just now did some findings on blood type affecting personality. AB is spilt personality. -_- then scropio also, lost. then AB plus scropio. haiz..... spilt till cannot spilt. lolz. me loh. haha.. pretty interesting. and the guys i'm attracted to are all, or should i say almost all from O. my first bf, kenny, is also O type. so qiao.


never mind.... i did sth i shouldnt did. sorry.


trying to manage my time so i can have more time to go out. hehe... =D

Hadnt been feeling well since yesterday night, then vomitted at night before I went to bed. For no reason vomitted. Then headache till I nap today. Always headache on thurs because of the long day it is. Sian. Anyway now ok le. Came home and had a 2hours nap and a nice dinner.


Just now took the bus home with kai wah aka kel aka my used to be nanny. lolz. Feel so good to talk to him throughout the whole ride, telling him things, listening to him. So long never see him or talk to him le. xie xie. And is also because of the things I heard from him, make me decide to leave Singapore in the near future, as soon as I can for a year or two. I leave everything behind.


Seriously speaking, I wish for him to have endless happiness. But, I just cant be here to see it happen with her. I cannot. I'm not that big hearted. Thats why I need to go away. Its not like I don't want him to be happy, or whatever. Suan le. If those who is reading this, don't understand how it feels like, then forget it. I know it can le.

wonder if he understands what it feels like.

wonder if he still take me as his friend.

if only.

canada? nz? hk? duno.. anywhere will do...

Today on the bus ride home I fell asleep and woke up with a stiff neck. Then turned over and saw my friend laying on her boyfriend shoulder sleeping. So envy of her, got a shoulder to lean on when she's tired and wants a rest. Haizz.. then I only got my xiao zhu with me, then he too small for me to lean on!!!!! Sometimes, really wish got a shoulder for me, a shoulder to lean on when i'm tired, a shoulder when i need comforting. think i single too long le ba.. lolz. the feeling of seeing that is so the what. then so down.... haizz... where's my shouldeerrr....


Anyway, today brought xiao zhu to school.. then i saw da zhu in school... haha. Then just now in library so high. Dont ask me why. Just very high. But very fast tired le. Then got another CRM assignment, stress le.


When I got home, just feel so lifeless.. Locked myself in my room for awhile. Wanted to cry, but cant. Then just lay there hugging piglet. Never mind... dont wanna write le..


maybe just tired le ba.... maybe tomorrow go home rest? maybe...

Wow.. yet another friday...


Mood swing today. Woke up to go school, but end up raining! Argh. How I miss my heels. Anyway, wore my bro top to school again. Wanted to study my quiz on the bus but ended up falling asleep. Tired k? bleah. End up, the quiz is just questions we did before. Wu liao! Finish in like a few mintues. 5 minutes also not up yet. As usual. Then went out of the class to wait for the rest. After tao tao finished, we all went to the library coze he wanna return books. Then tao tao today so HANDSOME!!!! It's like he cut his hair and shaved and then wore jeans. So it's like so clean. Wow... tao tao handsome guy today!!! haha. *melted*


Then had pym lec, which was fun as usual. High le. But after that reach home, throw temper. Argh... PMS i guess.. Did abit of SPF and then went off to sleep. Around 6 went over to meet lene and jimmy. Movie marathon at lene's house. Curse is really nice. Abit er xin but the story line very good and exciting. haha. Screamed alot. I think we kenna scare by each other's screaming more than the show itself. Before that we even cooked our own popcorn. Very nice k? Even better and healthier than GV's. haha..


Went home in cab again. =X Took cab twice this week le.. First time... Last sem only took cab once I think.


Next week another busy week, esp with CRM assignment... Then still got PYM report... more SPF tutorial.. haizzz..... busy busy year 2.


The trip to bangkok is more or less confrimed! Yup. Anyone interested can tell me. Just get ready money can le. haha.


I miss shopping.. I need to get myself something.. Maybe soft toy or nail polish... just something.. Had been like rushing tutorials for weeks. Hate this.. And hadn't even go clubbing!!!! Never mind, shall go during study break. Actually jim ask me to go tomorrow, but lene never go then I also don't wanna go le... k lah, enough of typing..


to my friends... this sem we must ren! though the lecs all very kuku like dunno what, but we still have to pass this sem and go on to year 3 together! so we ren! after exam then revenge! =D

Headache.. having this irritating headache. Even just moving, laughing, talking or even just coughing make my head hurts even more. Argh. Irritating. Wanna take panadol, but didnt, hoping it will go away and also to make sure that my fever is gone and not just gone because of the panadol that I taken. Finally, today I feel more like a human being. For the past few days, had been like so weak, so sicky, so dead. Running nose to cough, then fever that comes and goes and comes again. So ya, I guess I'm recovering after almost 1 week of being unwell. Thanks for looking after me when I'm in school.. hehe.


This sem is really a crazy sem. Lots of tutorials, ENDLESS, and lots of deadlines to meet. Presentation every fornight, powerpoint, IS... Breathless. No time to slack. And totally no life. Last sem still got time to go play pool, shop, moive. Hadnt even touch pool since last sem. Only watched 2 moives so far. And been to 2 shopping trip ONLY, one during the second week and one for my birthday. O ya, another one to PS on tuesday. Thats about it. haizzz


Finally yesterday cleared a big chunk of tutorial, but today, came another chunk. Lucky I finished yesterday if not today I will really have tutorials up my neck. There's a quiz tomorrow somemore!!!! haizz. close book. O my....


Never mind. Shall take things easy for now. Later at night then stress... lolz.

i'm sick... ya. after so many years. hadnt been sick since i entered poly i think. got lah, once in laos. then never le. today in school, just in atrium only and I wore 3 layers. the thick black top, my jeans material jacket and tao's jacket. at PS, i even wore tongs sweater for my hands, which is like 4 layers? haha.. never know i can wear so many layers in singapore. the most i wore is in japan... 8 layers but not as thick as i wore today. its fun to wear so many layers but its no fun to be sick...


lucky got tao tao and tong to help me carry lap top if not i think i will die today ba.. then tao tao dropped my lao gong!!! sob sob... heart attack le.. but he also not purposely de... heng is tao tao.. if not i think i throw temper le... haha..


must ren.. tomolo must go sch then come back sleep.. lolz.. maybe take cab ba.. haha..


cold..

Sunday.. another day of pms-ing for my dad. whatever.


Anyway, fell sick on friday. Flu. Then the fever like wanna come then dont come like that. -_-!! Don't know what my body up to. There yet not there like that. Ate med for 2 days le, and slept for the whole of 2 days, no energy to do much. Shitty feeling. But also means I got excuse to slack. lolz. Just sleep and sleep since yesterday. Stupid med, make me so sleepy. Then head like so heavy. Eat things also no taste but still have to eat if not even more no energy.


Lets see.... nothing much happened lately expect for the piles and piles of homework, my AE86... O ya, met up with nevin on friday. Then got this chat on thurs that make me wanna slap people. I'm like so innocent, getting hurt for other people actions. Argh. If anyone dare to do this to me again, I swear I'm going to kill them. Care for my feeling for abit please, thank you.


The aftermath of everything is... I'm easily scared. Scare of being alone. Scare of being ignored. Scare of people treating me coldly. Scare of people leaving. Its no fun going through it. Don't put me through it again... I'm scare of being abandon.


stress... stress over school work and life. haizz.. i need a break..


I really hope everything will go back to what it use to be. Because then, at least, I can be happy again. At least I will feel safe and secure, unlike now.

no matter what, i'm just a girl. a girl who need a shoulder to rely on when she's tired. someone to go to, when she's scare.

2 days of celebration for my birthday! =D


15 Nov - 16 Nov

Had IS lesson in the morning which lasted for 2hours whereby we only work for 15minutes. The rest of the time, we are playing and rotting. After that tong, tao, vin and me went to library for breakfast while waiting for yh to end class. Sad le, no nachos. Went to Heeren for neoprint taking and bought the middle finger pen. =X Walked for awhile and off to PS for lunch!!!!!!!! A heavy lunch I must say and I'm just so in love with their prawns! And started to look for my tongs. Ya, wanted to get a tongs which is relatively flat. Then to Bugis which is the last stop of the day. Searched and looked for 2hours plus before I saw a pair of tongs that I wanted to buy! Got butterful de. And finally the 3guys can have a rest. haha. Been walking non-stop since after our lunch at PS. Rotted at Mos where tong and vin fell asleep while waiting for zl to come. Go his shop support him ma. Then end up I spent like $50 there for a skirt and a belt. Love them lots. Around 8 left bugis to go home.

Went to sleep at 11:45pm. End up, while I was about to fall asleep, sms-es started to come in. From 12am till 12:30am. And another at 2:13am. lolz. Got wishes from nevin, jim kai aka teddy bear, hup hua, step, sue ann and the list goes on and on. =D Woke up for school after awhile! lolz. Was late for awhile for FRM. Then the progamme for the day start from 8:30pm because there's school till 5pm. =( Watched harry porter and receive a set of sliver, include necklance, bracelet and earings. First time, someone bought me bracelet and it must had cost quite abit for my god kor. One whole set le!!!! Perlin Sliver somemore... Really make my day. lolz. Watched harry porter and its really enjoyable. Plus saw my kor's friend... then see them talk very cute. After the moive meet nevin for my present and to send me home. 12am le ma. He gave me Initial D's AE86... which I had been bugging him to make for me since I saw the moive, and he really did!!!! By hand ok... *touched* Now I got my own AE86!!!!!!!!!! 3 necklance, 2 bracelet, 1 pair of tongs, 1 doggie soft toy and a pair of earings... =D


Really got xin fu de gan jue. The effort he but into the car... being treated like a little princess for one night by my kor... and the 3 guys who follow me whenever I got for 1 whole day though they are very tired. Xie xie... =D


Really love my AE86 alot le.. how? lolz. Must buy a casing for it.. haha. hehe. Then fri going lene house to celebrate again. Belated.. haha.


today, on the bus.. i'm scare to be alone again.. i'm scare of the feeling where my friends 'disown' me.. i'm scare that i'm all alone... i don't want... i really cannot take it.. the feeling where suddenly your close friend become a stranger to you and treated you like a stranger hurts so damn much that you wish you are dead.. i'm serious.... and thats wat i'm feeling now..

shall bitch here first before going for my dinner.


yesterday, everyone agreed not to suan me today. but end up, keep suaning about my hair. and you still dare to say if tao there, he will suan even more. but hey, he will suan but if the other party appears not happy, he will stop! unlike you. what the f loh. do you suan someone till they walk off and not do anything able it? do you suan till the other party cried and not do anything able it? i'm like so piss. its not like you all don't know how much my hair means to me. everytime i curl my hair, you all got something to say. hey, i like it k? anything wrong against looking older than i'm suppose to look? you don't like don't means people cannot. if you got nothing nice to say about my hair, dont. it doesnt hurt not to suan me for 1 day right? for that few hours only. you know how much it hurts. ok, fine, say you don't mean it. but you sounded like you mean it when you over do it. i'm super sensitive about my hair!


i really don't wanna cry on my birthday. but when you are piss/ down or whatever, and no one around to agree with you, the feeling sucks, esp on your birthday! put yourself in my shoes.

stupid stupid.. why my brother do things always never think of others. fine. he wanna study, its a good thing. but. why go private! degree... ha. it cost like 20k in total. i bet more than that to get that degree. he cant even get a dip, he wanna get a degree. f him lah. i gave up my chance for him to study a dip. and now, he wanna take away my chance again by going private. 20k. how the hell can i study after poly? can he ensure that he have enough means to pay back to my parents? face it. i still need my parents to at least partly pay my school fees if i wanna further study. how the hell can my parents support both my brother and me? how much can i support myself? stupid. i hate hate hate. i know i sound selfish. but its just that, i give up something for him, can he think of me before making a decision? we are not that well to do... i doubt i can even afford oversea studies. why cant he just get into a poly.. people who enter poly, dun really have a choice for what to study, cant study what they like. but now, he wanna study he interested in. what about me?! he should be studying something that can of use next time, not he interested in! cant he think?!


sorry. i'm really pissed. i'm really angry.

Suddenly feel so peaceful.. Just like old times. Been so long since I last stayed up so late to do something beside reading story books. Did FRM tutorial... stupid le. It's totally just copying from the notes. It's like, we had became machine to scan through pages for the right answer. For the quizes during tutorials class and for the tutorials, we can actually find the right asnwer WITHOUT understanding. So whats the point of doing? argh. Then also no idea what the lec talking about. He seems more interested in convicing us that we can earn $1m/ that FMB is our right choice/ we shouldnt be late for class. I don't wanna earn $1m, money issnt everything. I know. Because I have enough to spend yet there's something missing.


Had some problems over who going with me to watch harry porter, then end up, my god kor going with me. Cause him abit of trouble coze end up got 1 extra ticket. Then somemore he hvnt go work yet, but because I wanna watch on that day, he call his friend who is working to buy the tickets first. Then when no one go with me, he offer to when he can be working that day to earn more money. After everything, he told me it's ok, he just want me to be happy on my birthday. So touched!!!!!! Then I fell asleep with a smile on my face. haha. Been ages since someone tell me anything is ok, as long as i'm happy. =)


This week been ok I guess. Very fast one week le. But I guess I will be having problem with school work, esp the drawing and understanding the notes. Trying to tune back and I shall go out more!!!! Or rather, sleep less. haha.


Then another touching thing... my nanny aka kai wah aka kel wished me happy birthday today because he flying off to don't know where and wont be in singapore on that day. So touched!!! So sweet of him. =D thanks.


Sunday should be going to zl's shop. Then tues going out with tong they all... wed harry porter... fri maybe meet lene... or some other day for dinner...


xinfu.

i'm totally lucky to have friends who dote on me. to make me feel xin fu.

but i still find myself waiting.

waiting to hear you say you will celebrate my birthday with me.

Just found the article for PYM. Find till siao. *bleah*


School reopened... stress? Only when I doing my tutorial ba. Lesson time quite boring le, but off and on, we will entertain each other or self-entertain. Nice to see my friends everyday. At least something to do. But can't find the 'thing' to make myself listen in class. If you know me, you should know why.


Then today went to watch 'Sky High' with lene and jimmy. The movie is so worth it. Seriously. Been quite awhile since such a wonderful movie came out. At least from my view. Don't tell me about M-18 shows, I still can't watch them. Well, I will be able to next week. =P Anyway, if you had been to the movies recently, you would have seen the preview. Another show about super heros. And Peace is just so handsome and cool in the show, when his hair is being tied up. It's a show that will make you laugh, make you wanna slap the character because you know he is making a mistake, touch your heart when he realize who is then his true love, amaze by the powers they got, the coolness... Totally worth watching!


Shopped at Bugis, bought another eye shadow, yes yes, I know I shouldn't be spending at Red Earth, but I can't help it. I'm just so in love with their eye shadow colours. Then walked and walked till I think my legs are going to break due to the heels. It hurts.


Wondering how to survive this sem.

without you, i'm really nothing...

Today.. holiday again. Lost le. This week only got 2days' lesson. Then all sucks. The lec sucks. Lesson time nothing to compliant about, life is like that.


Still not use to getting up so early and going to school. Not use to sleeping so early, as in 11plus. Holiday always 12plus, 1plus then sleep. lolz. Trying to adjust back. Having steamboat later. hehe. But must eat fast fast so that can watch prince to frog.


Was doing face mask just now, then my mum wanna try also, then she say she wanna buy also. haha. Got sponsor le!!!! =D This month must go Bugis buy another tube le. Think 1 tube can last about 2mth plus. I don't want later use finish then hvnt buy. lolz. I'm vain, so? lolz. Just getting more vain this sem. Don't ask why. I'm just a girl. lolz.

money issnt everything, because money cant buy the happiness you felt from love.

and without it, everything that i own, seems so meaningless...

Cant sleep, so come and write something...


That night I dreamed of 4 number and asked my dad to buy, end up last weekend open 7240 when I ask him to buy 5240. Dont believe also cannot. Pray pray this week open. Then will have some income and thus I no need to work the coming holiday also. ok, I'm thinking too far..


Just now before I went to lay on my bed, I have these butterflies in my stomach, feeling so unrest, so unsecure, like something bad is going to happen. Hard this feeling. I hate to feel insecure.


Feeling insecure let people hurt you more easily, let yourself get hurt more easily, make you feel so open to be hurt. Don't like. Totally hate this feeling. So unsafe...

i tot i can,

but i cant.

Wow... today, finally I went to school! So happy. But part of the time, felt like crying. Ya. But I think I can do this. Hopefully.


And, I took my bracelet down. Trying to get use to having nothing on my hand. Felt so weird. So in-secure.


Que for quite a long time for the notes and went over to bishan. Walked around... lunched at mos. Bought a belt. $14. Come with a yellow pouch wor!!! lolz. cl jealous ma? haha. Maybe using as my handphone pouch. After that took the train down to woodlands. Bought 2 vcd for $12. Then continue to walk around. Went to see people catch bear bear... Tempt me le. =X


After that had dinner at JP. Very long never saw my grandma laugh so happy le.. =D


Stand too long, walked too much, now legs very pain. But happy to see my friends.. lolz

I'm tired. Suddenly very tired. Partialy is physical, mostly is mental.


Physically because out of sudden, my arm hurts slightly. And also due to period, so tired super easy and dizzy once or twice.


Mental, I guess, lots of stuffs. Plus having nightmares almost everytime I sleep. Struggle. Then family stuffs, trying to be fine, decisions to make, and the list goes on and on. Maybe no school then easily tired. No stamina.. When schooling, only when rushing projects, tests and exams then will break down. Now... keep breaking down when I can't think of a good reason good. lolz.


So ya, that is how I had been since I return from taiwan...

i feel so shiok now. written a whole essay about what i'm feeling. though it still how i was about 4 or 5 months ago. it onli means i had been 'dead' for awhile. but after writing it all out, i felt so relax. i should had been meaner. lolz.


i know it wont be easy from now on. but i will take a step at a time. something that i hadnt been doing.. =D

Feel like crying while watching prince to frog again...


Today went to Hotel Phoenix for High-Tea!!! Not bad, and the price not very expensive either. Just $15.90 per person if paying by DBS card, if not I think it will cost $17.40. So the price is pretty alright. There's the usual cakes, pubbing, coffee and tea, noodles, chicken wings, ice kachang, fruits, mee siam etc etc. Not alot of variety, but acceptable and worth the price. Serives very good too. As soon as you clear your plate, someone will come and clear it off for you. The place is called Garden Cafe, and so the place is decorated as a garden, but indoor and air-coned. Plates and cups are all of different colours, yellow, gree, orange. Bright colours. Basically the theme is 'Garden'. Should go there when there's time. Not that expensive. Affordable for students even. O ya, you even can 'fry' your own rojak. =D


Eat till I full till cannot full. Even just the butter cake tastes so nice! Then walked down to Taka's library and went back home. Got my bro to cut the songs for me so it can be use as a ringtone better. So now there's only like one full songs in my phone! lolz.


Gave my desktop an extreme make-over yesterday night. It's so cool now! Even ham ham agreed with me. haha.


Tomorrow is Friday already. So fast.. Frying onion rings tomorrow! =D And shall tidy my clothings tomorrow. Too many clothes that I have no idea where are some of them.

Fuck.. I'm having cramps at the area which caused me to admit into hospital a few years ago.


Anyway, I had the weridest dreams last night/ this morning. It's like I'm on a ship with tong, tao and vin. Then somehow due to bad weather, the ship kind of sank but everyone got safetly to the habour which is kind of flooded with sea water too.


And the surpising part is, it's like someone gives us a chance to experience everything again so that we can be more prepared as in with our passports, money, as we are all empty-handed. So the dreams rewinded and replayed. And this time, we got our stuffs. But somehow, our clothes, passports, etc etc is at the chalet. So after reaching the habour, we quickly rush to the chalet. Suppose to got down at Seng Kang but got a group of guys that are following us thus vin insisted we dropped off at yishun where there are no bus to the chalet but he still insisted on it. Wanted to catch a cab, but no drivers are working, like they just disappear. Then out of nowhere, we had walked to the stand where the bus shuttle people from there to the chalet. OUT of NOWHERE! Went to chalet, wanted to get our things, but can't find them. Then I forgot my luggage combi number. I still can remember asking them to put the passport and important stuffs in a ziplock bag.


The dreams is like so terrible that I know I wanna get out of it, yet I cant.


Another dream was that everyone are seated on a table having dinner. Then behind us there's this stall selling ice jelly and that person is my dad's dad. Everyone is so happy. And then I woke up.


What a night. Slept at 1plus woke up at 4plus and then I can't sleep. I still feel like as if I had slept for a very very long time. Then I guess five plus I fall asleep again and woke up at 12plus. wow.. very long nv sleep in till so late le.


But yesterday was a fun day. Met tong and the rest at evening time at bugis to celebrate tong's birthday. Had dinner while laming around. Very funny. After that went to buy bag for him, walked around, back to bugis, walk again then they went off first while tong, jas and me stayed back for awhile more. No rush to reach home so just rotted at the food court an talk till people kick us out of it. haha. Love it. Tong, hope u happy hor. So sorry forget ur cake. =X


Next birthday is mine!!!! lolz. Somehow, I don't feel like drinking, because drinking will make me think of him..

suddenly.. i feel like cooking.. when i'm cooking, my brain wont be thinking of anything else. when i'm cooking, i'm happy.


next wk.. next wk i will put my heart into cooking. then wont be able to do so anymore coze sch reopening again.....


prince to frog really have very touching, very real lines. after watching everyday, i'm so choked with tears..

ok.. i'm having my mood swing. cannot ar? then in the first place shouldnt be at my blog.


whatever.


i know it's holiday now.. i know i should be enjoying it. but i'm not. maybe i'm the one who is standing at the place and not growing.. or issnt because i'm the one who is the free-est, with the most time on my hands, that i see things from another view? whatever shit lah..


sorry ar.. i'm feeling irritated now.


its like some questions you have to ask youself de why keep asking me whether i think you are like this like that. if have the time to ask. should have the time to reflect on yourself right? maybe you are someone who like to hear ppl opinion whether you are right or not, but sorry, i'm not. as long as i feel i'm right, i'm right. if i'm wrong and yet i think i'm right, someone will tell me or after some aruging and when i think back, hopefully i will know i'm wrong. i'm this kind of person. i need to accept things with my own will, if not no point saying i'm wrong when i dont think i'm wrong. so please don't ask me whether i think you are this or that.


maybe i yet to really learn how to accept ppl as they are. but there are just some things i cannot tahan.


today, it had been raining for the whole day time. so cold. so very very cold...

Laying on his bed and in his arms after lots of drinks..
He asked: when we wake up.. i wont remember all these
Me: i don't mind..
He: i wont have time for you..
Me: i don't mind..
And then both of us fell asleep again.. with me still in his arms smiling sweetly and him soundly asleep..


Thats what I dreamt of yesterday. So sweet.. so real.. till I really feelt like my lips curled up slightly in reality.. Or that I suspect.


But reality is a different thing.


Today, went out with Charlene and Jimmy.. Lunch.. walk around.. moive at PS.. train down to Bugis.. Bought a mask and then bubble tea. Quite ok lah.. but bored with town. haha. Then very cold also.


Yesterday just rot at home. SO SIAN!!!


Monday went out with tao, tong, vin, cl and yh.. went Kbox then dinner and home le..


no mood write le.. write more later ba... =) o ya.. i bought concealer!!! haha

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I got molested on bus 30!!! Idiot guy. He's like the most lower secondary!!! The bus reached interchange and then we were all waiting to walk down the staircase, then he just keep 'pushing' forward while touching my butt! Idiot. Its so obvious that no one is moving, all just standing there waiting to walk down the stairs! At first thought not purposely, but for a few times! Argh. So mad. And, I wasnt wearing short shorts! I'm wearing that old OP shorts which is longer than my blue OP shorts! Bastard.


I'm so damn angry.


Yesterday.. I cried while watching 'prince to frog' or something. Channel U from 7:30pm to 8:30pm every Wednesday to Friday. The first few esposide is abit lame but now, it's touching. Junhao regain his memory and forgotten about Tianyu who looked after him when he lost his memory and they are together dating during that period of time and he saved her a few times. The coldness from Junhao reminded me of him. I'm very good at linking, so end up I cried for quite awhile.


Maybe I was too foolish to believe all he did was real, was from his heart. If it's all fake, I don't think I can have the faith to believe in any guys anymore. I don't have the confident for any relationship anymore. I'm just a toy that people throw away once they get tired of.


At least, in the drama series, Tianyu and Junhao will end up together. Now, I don't even feel like I can trust him anymore. Whats the use of talking when he doesnt care? No use. Maybe someday, I should travel oversea for a year or two...

Finally.. I got back home. =)


Was away for 7days to go for a shopping trip at Taiwan. Wasnt as good as I expect it to be. But overall still alright. Don't think I will write about everything that happened because there's so much to say.


The people there really very style, the clothes they wear, the effort they put into dressing, the price of the clothes etc etc. Some of the food is not really suitable for our taste buds. Their price for stuffs can go as low as S$5plus to S$200plus for clothings. Really a big different... Or rather should I say, two extremes.


But the nature over there is really breathtaking. And just nice its raining so there's this light mist at the tops of the mountains. So unreal to me, maybe because we live in singapore, without any of these. The lakes, mountains, the greens of the trees, plants. Wow... And there's this beach at Taiwan that is the most beautiful over there de. It's like so clean!!! Then the 'stones' are like so smooth... wow... because it's near to the sea, the water is damn clean too... blue.. the wave when it hit the 'land' will cause the water droplets to land on you. The feeling is so WONDERFUL! A sight you will never get in Singapore. Steal a few stones back. haha.


The shopkeeper are also more friendly than those in Singapore, you can taste all the food and not buy any, its ok with them. Everytime I enter a 7-11, the person will say welcome.


The stuffs they sell at 7-11 is also of a wider vaerity than Singapore's. Their drinks are like so cheap!!! Some of their stuffs are really cheaper than Singapore by alot.


But, the shopping center there, is really expensive. Every single little thing is branded. Costing at least 100plus per clothing. Expensive hor? Thats why I only shop at the night market. lolz.


New clothes to wear to school for the new sem. =D Now, rotting at home, debating whether to work or not. If I do, I have that extra income, but then, not that despo for one. I'm lazy. I want a easy work. hehe.


I miss Singapore food...

I wanna look for you.. but can I? Will you try to cheer me up like you used to? When I off my lappy after knowing my results, I went to lay on my bed, how I wish for you. Suddenly, I don't feel like flying off tomorrow. But at the same time, it wont matters. You wont even notice I'm gone. Really feel like crying... but tears just wont come out.


with you around, nothing is hard..
without you around, i'm just a super duper normal ger...

Abit tired now. =)


8am and my phone started ringing and ringing for don't know how many times. My mum lah, call and call to ask about the chalet. argh. Cant wait till I wake up one le. so piss. Asked her to stop calling me and whent to sleep awhile more. 9am woke upt to bathe and all. Rotted awhile online and then went out. Took the train to somerset... vin late then tao tao got something urgent to do before he can come down.


Vin came then went to cine to walk around, lunch at LJS while waited for tao tao to come... tao came le then go buy ticket...


The Myth is really really a very wonderful show. At first abit confuse but after awhile can understand le. It travels between now and the past. The love side is so sad. The princess waited for the general for ages, only to find out he's dead but she won't believe it. Feel so sad for the princess. Waited for so long, yet her 'prince' never came... sob sob..


After the moive walked around and then ended up at coffee bean. Been ages since I went to coffee bean. Rotted, chatted, then I went home. Tao and vin go dating.


Suddenly on the train so tired. Like so many things happened. I still cant believe them. Or rather, I don't want to. haiz... But it doesnt matter to him. The only one it affects is me.. why bother.. even if i go oversea and never come back to singapore, he also wont miss me abit nor think of me...

Today met up with cl to go town. Went to CK Tang first but the wallet she wanna buy no have le, so we just continue walking down to Taka. Walked around, had our lunch at mac... chatted abit, then went to Heeren.


AND...


i saw this initial d limited edition watch!!!! cost $200plus... whole world only got 2000 pieces... i'm so in love with it...


now my whole brain is that watch.. lolz.. think coze is initial d de ba.. haha..


after that just walk and walk till centerpoint... then BACK to heeren to get cl wallet and went home.. bought a bracelet today.. is crystal heart shape de... $30.. =X


met my dad in jp.. bought the soup home.. paint the shoes... went out again to JP to get some stuffs for my trip and some food for my bro if not i oversea he nth to eat. then came home watch tv and rest my legs.. so tired...


i really want that watch.. lolz

Since after chalet.. nothing much happened. Just resting at room to get back my energy and strength since the outreach after the chalet totally drain all my energy and strength away. I mean TOTALLY. So just sleep and eat and sleep.


Trying to clear all my story books before I fly on friday morning. Started to pack my bag le. Bought all those that need to be bought. Dig out my clothes to bring there.


did i really accept the facts? i guess i can never do that. but at times, i do need to act like i had right? its just not right for christina to keep crying non-stop. if i really do it.. it would been for his sake more than for myself.


i wanna be your little princess.. can i?

Came back from chalet yesterday but was too tired to update... The bbq wasnt that successful, but overall still alright. The chalet was a success! =)


At first was quite messy when buying the stuffs. Never plan nicely, then I guess too many people also. Then due to those small small things. So not really happy about it. But anyway, manage to reach the chalet all in one piece. So the usual, exploring, preparing for the bbq...


Thanks tao tao for all the hard work, starting the fire, cooking... never rest much. =X sorry ar.


The lecs came, but some of my friends never turn up, abit sad. But still alright. Lots of cats there, so ya, lots of screaming and jumping around by me. hehe. Therefore, I'm known as the 'intelligent cat detector' now. haha. Never expect the lecs too be so 'open'. lolz. By nine, all of them left, we also started to clear up to go into the 'house' to watch the chinese X-file.


And here came the mahjong and cards game. Yh, cl and jas don't know how to play then end up they abit bored. Guess coze too little of us staying over thats why will like that. Never slept at all. Not till wednesday morning. Tong won the most. Then yx, lene and jimmy left. All of us went up to catch up on our sleep. Vincent slept the most!!! I cant fall asleep, then jas woke up. Thought of trying making 'pizza' with the leftover we have. Quite a success. haha. Then I got tired and went to sleep again after yh and vin woke up. After 1:30pm, everyone started to woke up and then used the whole loaf of bread to make the pizza and ate them while watching a moive.


Went out for a walk after that. To changi village and bought chilli crabs back. Thanks tong for the piglet!!! hehe. Took turns bathing and the girls started to wrap up a dinner using the leftovers by using the mircowave oven. Joined the tables together and sat together to eat the dinner while watching the TV. Cant finish all the food.


Still got 1 thing. Everyone got their share of torture beside tao and yh. Kenna tickle without a chance to fight back. Kenna bully by everyone etc etc. DAMN FUN!!!! Seriously. Then I still kenna 'throw' to the mattress by tao and tong. lolz. Fun like don't know what. Miss them!!


Aaron came, bullied him. haha. Then played slient heartattack. Vin, yh, jas and tong kenna the forefeet. Tong's was the most happening, sang at the bbq area and then coze the other chalet people are also outside and they joined in the clapping. haha. Time for aaron to leave. We all walked him to his car at the SAF carpark. Then suddenly decided to all squeeze into his TINY car for a short drive to the bus stop in front of our chalet. I sat on tong's leg at front while the rest of them squeeze to the back. lolz. Somemore, when the car came to a stop, only the front door unlocked, so tong and me ran to the chalet and locked the rest of them out. haha.


After cooling down, we all sat down to play 'Eat or Truth'. All words spoke are for the people who are there only so can't say here. And I gave them all a good scare. =X At ard 2, clear up and went up to the room for story time. Took turns to talk but only tao never. I almost cry ar. All vin's fault. lolz.


Then we all sleep for awhile before vin, tao, jas and me woke up to prepare to go to school. Took a cab down and was really like zombie. Even standing up can sleep. Manage to survive. Reached home, damn tired. Ate dinner and sleep. Woke up was lost. Wondering where I was. Can't remember. Brain not working. Slept at 11pm again. Woke up today at 12pm.


Thanks guys for the wonderful time we had at the chalet. Though in school we might be distanced, but I believe no matter what, we will all be there for each other. And I learnt. lolz. Next chalet will be better than this. =D After the talk we had on the last night, I thought through alot, or rather, by talking out, my feelings are more clear now. Tao is right that zk is important to me, but as a friend. Because I know we cannot be together. And therefore, the more I believe that I'm over him. haha. I did survived till now right? lolz.

Going to chalet in a few hours time.. hehe. First chalet with my poly friends.


Anyway, yesterday went for the outreach thingy. Actually is abit sian till the max. But still ok i guess. But the food kind of sucks. We see the D'Fine van till we sian. lolz. Reach home, headache so slept early. That explain why I'm already awake at nine in the morning. BUT, I woke up with a running nose and a sore thoart. Drinking lemon water, hope will help.


Started packing my bag yesterday, but still now, havn't pack finish. It's like the older you get, the more things to pack. Last time go chalet for my sec sch, nothing much to bring, just clothes. Now, have to bring clothes, chargers (2 chargers!!!), cable etc etc. And suddenly feel so tired. *yawn*


Then I know 3 'bai ci' friends, or rather generous friends. Pay me the money for the bbq, but not confrim coming!!! argh. I want people to come not finding sponsor for my bbq le!!! But hor.. kind of sweet lah.. lolz.


Hope later will be successful!!! A bbq for all the people who make my poly life a difference. haha.

Since holiday started, had buried myself in books, books as in story books. Love Nora Robert. Hope didnt get the name wrongly. Ya, my most liked author recently. But hard to find her books around in JP. Everyday was just like reading and reading, cook for dinner, tv at night, online and then time to sleep. Slack day right? But it had started to get boring. haha.


Friday, which is yesterday, went back to school with cl!!! So happy. Then saw my kor aka jk. Tao tao still look the same.. whent to the briefing, pack some stuffs and went home. Abit wu liao lah. But then get to see my friends!! haha. Nothing can be more happy than that. Talked about chalet for awhile.


As usual, to library before I go home. During school term don't have much time to read. When there's time, rather sleep than read. So holiday must let my brain eat some nice 'food'.


Next wk will be term busy, or rather today onwards. Need to dye my hair, then tomorrow going for the briefing for the trip, monday for the outreach thingy, tuesday to thurs morning chalet, then thurs have to wake up damn early to go from chalet to school by 8:40am. What a crazy week its going to be. After that rest for awhile, need to prepare things to go oversea. lalalala..

i wanna be ur little princess... may i?

The doc onli say.. so far still normal. Coze if give med, need to eat for months so she is not keen to give me so soon and to wait to see how it is. If it stops by this week, I have to go back for a check up at the end of the year, if not I have to go back next week.


So after that went NTUC to get stuffs to cook dinner. Tried both my new recipe. Not bad. I still decorate the plate hor. lolz.


Rested, rotted. Guess tired of getting out, hidding, trying to survive etc etc.


Then yesterday my sec sch friend called me. Asking me questions about my life. Really feel like killing him. Asking why I don't have a cca, asking why my GPA so low, telling me how much cert he has now, wanting to compare etc etc.


WTF!!! Its my life. Lots of people in poly don't have a cca k? My GPA issnt THAT low.


Face it, I had changes. I not that sec3 and 4 christina that keep studying and studying only. I like to have fun every now and then! Or rather, I need to. If not I will break down.


Just so damn piss off with him. If you onli bother about your studies and not want any fun, might as well go JC. And he still tell me he can dun listen to lec and all and still Aces. F him le, some modules can only what. Really feel like scolding him upside down. argh..


Ya, I'm feeling bitchy now. *bleah*


Big deal!

Seems like so long since I last blogged. Been quite eventful.


Tim Sum Buffet at Dragon Gate, trip to polyclinic to get med for my taiwan trip, 'tution' my friend, manicure (yes.. i did it FINALLY!), friend met with accident, nuh, rotting, tidy my room, lots of mooncakes, reading...


So now I also no idea where to start. And something bad happened. Well, from what I searched from the web, it's considered a bad thing. What exactly will only know tomorrow after I see the doc. But from all the websites, it's not something good.


Haiz.. really hope everything will be fine... Better pray it's good news tomorrow and not bad news.


I'm trying not to worry, not to scare myself but abit impossible.

Yesterday wasnt feeling well so never update.


Last paper!!!!! Finished the paper in like 1hr 15/20 mins. Write till I have no idea what to write. Never mind. Over le!!! As long as the exam had ended, it's ok. After that went to the study area to wait for awhile, but nearly 10:30 still no one come out, so I went to cut hair. Of course is Ron cut de. lolz..


He had a hard time thinking of a new hair style for me and cutting because I have lots of hair. lolz. So in the end, he cut my front till really is facical hair style. Then behind de kind of remain the lenght just that he cut in the sense that the 'U' shape is more obvious. Look about 1hr to cut, wash and style. $20 bucks onli. hehe.


After that went to the hawker center. Only vin and tong eat. I wasnt hungry.. Then went to bus stop to wait for Cl then she say I looke like xiao gong zhu!!!! haha.. happy le... lolz..


Went to OG, changed the points for stuffs.. then walked till PS. Cant catch any bear bear so we turn and turn the thing. Used lots of money sia. But at least got something in return!! haha. Then my dear cl give me her piglet. xie xie ni! Then went to Bugis, walked around and had bubble tea. The bubble tea is the best! Plus you won't feel that its too sweet.


Took the train to JP and went to the library for awhile before going home. So heavy. Actually dinner was really a feast but wasnt in the mood to eat due to my headache. The worst headache ever!


Later going to habour front to eat. hehe. Somehow, I cant wait for my results. lolz. Think next wk relax abit at home. Then 26 go outreach thingy, then chalet, then outreach again. Then a few days later I flying le. hmmm... come back then find job ba.. =D

Tomorrow will be the last paper. No mood to study. Don't even wanna study. Dont know why. Just like that loh.


Hope can do not bad...


Good luck guys!!!!

I had the weirdest dream in don't know how many years. I still cannot get over the fact it's so real, so clear.


The place where the dream took place was a place that I had a dream about before, where one of the house is zk's. Why I remembered the place so well was because of the house in front of his. Because it's just a standalone. Last time when I dreamt of going to this place is to pass him his present. And besides passing him the present, I used glass thingy, that can be used to draw on the glass and then peel off again if you don't like, to draw on his neighbour's glass panel. It was a pic of a whole piggy.


When I dream of the place again, I was shocked. My brother and my mum was with me. Then my bro saw zk, and asked me to go talk to him, for what I have no idea. And of course, my mum is saying she will just slowly walk.


By the time I reached the house doorstep, zk and her had went in.


I walked over to his neighbour's house's glass panel, shocked to see the piggy still there. Peeled it off, thinking of giving it to zk. But when I reached his house door steps, he shouted something to me. Then I shouted back and cry also. Then I just leave the piggy on his door step and walk away. But, after awhile decided not to give him, so I walked back and take it back and when I walk away till a distance, the back of the house exploded. Then policemen and firemen came, was a scence. And she died. =X But in my dream, zk wasnt sad at all. =X


Funny hor? Cannot believe the place the dream took place was the same as the one I dreamt of years ago. It's like a part 2 to it. Continuation. Lost for words.


Ya, thats about it....

First paper is O-V-E-R!!!!!!!!!! I cant be more than happy. haha.. Well, actually I can.. lolz.


Anyway, the paper is kind of like a breeze? By an exam standard, it's by far the easiest I think. Hope can score!!! =D


Didnt sleep much yesterday night even though I drank warm milk before going to sleep. So when I woke up this morning, my mind is really totally blank. But luckily, I can do the paper. While waiting for the paper to start, I keep wanting to fall asleep. Tired. Then got this weird feeling. Like got something stuck in my thoart of what, but can't vomit out anything. Reached JP, burp-ed then ok le. lolz.


Bought long john back for lunch. Feeling good ma, so decided to give myself a treat to long john. lolz. But then. have to start with FEN later. sian. So tired. Maybe nap later? hmmm...


Cant wait for exam to be over!!! Then can cut my hair, go out, meet up friends, chalet cum bbq, taiwan. After flying back to singapore, I don't know what to do yet. Hmm.. guess gonna call up people see got jobs or not. lolz. =D


Cant imagine, yesterday I almost broke down, and here I am happily typing this entry. =) Guess it's really time to have a long rest. This sem, esp from the study break for test till now, really alot of stuffs happened. From really really down, slowly recover to how I am now.. =D So its time to rest after the exams!!!


then just now got 1 surveyor tot i uni year 1.. -_-!!

Hmm... Friday night slept late again.. guess nowadays sleep too late and thus resulting in my headache spell. Not only that, everytime I sleep, it's so unpeaceful, like something is gonna happen, plus I been having nightmares AND the feeling of un-safe-ness returned again. I hate these.. I hate feeling unsafeness. I need to feel secure. If not it wont be long before I breakdown... serious.


Friday went downt to People's Park to register for the Taiwan trip. =) 7 Oct flying off, 13 oct then coming back. Finally, a trip is confrimed!!! lalalala... Finally. After that went to Jurong East to renew my mum's hp line and to get some flour. Tiring day!!! I even nap twice. Once at 12 plus and again at 3plus bfore going out.


Then chatted with shou bing and ham ham!!!!! Then I super duper blur.. hehe..


Sat still ok, but then at night got bad headache till cannot sleep. But 12plus ok le then tried to sleep.


Sunday. Woke up, tv, eat, online, ibt for awhile.. Then dinner for steamboat!!!!!!! Nice nice. Is use plain hot water to cook till got taste le.. Li hai hor? Damn nice.. Then I eat very little rice only... hehe.. but lots of prawns, meat balls and fish balls. lalalala... Then now abit hungry.. =X


Watching my date with a vampire III.. Feeling so stress.. haiz...

It's 2:22am now!!! 2:22pm over at Canada. Obviously chatting with ham ham.. =P If not I also wont be so awake now. Partly till to BBQ also. Got latest news. haha.


So anyway, went to AMK for dinner just now. Had around 6 to 8 dishes, including shark's fin, fried prawns with oats, chicken, steamed fish, pork ribs. Really a feast. Plus we were really very lucky because the coffee shop was closed for 1 month for renovation and just opened today!!! See, so heng! Fated to eat there. haha. Totalled up to be $40.20. On the way home, went to Bata and my mum bought me another pair of heels and the slippers that I had been looking for high and low!!! Now I got slippers to wear to chalet le!!! haha. So happy that I finally found the slippers.


On the train was tired but cant sleep... Reached home, online, chatted with cl, watched tv, write my ibt notes, do the ppt, chat here and there, used quite a amount of time on the ppt. Then now left ham ham chatting with me loh.. dunno what that tong doing...


Friday shou bing, jk they all hving their first paper.. GOOD LUCK!!! Sad le.. nothing can get into my brain. Then tomorrow going chinatown. Think tomorrow afternoon wont online ba... FEN so many things to remember.. sob sob...

Hopefully the tour would not change again... From NZ, change to China, then to another part of China, then now to Taiwan. Praying that the taiwan trip is confrim!!!


Yesterday night had a headache, so went to sleep early, then woke up at 4plus because of a nightmare which was really very scary, then discovered that I had a miss call at 1plus. Imagine how tired I was, if not I would have heard my phone ringing. Till now I still have no idea who called me.. weird..


Woke up this morning with a worst headache. Only after my lunch that I left better. Then my mum called to ask me find how much the tour to taiwan will cost, so I called and called the tour agency. If everything goes as planned, should be flying off on 3oct, going off for 7days.


Going amk later for dinner... hehe...

Still piss with my brother.


Had a nightmare. Somehow, I ended up with cutting my hair, and it's not Ron who cut it. And turn out, so UGLY!!!! It's like so real, the feeling of me regreting, so real. Then I woke up, see mirror, still the same. =)


Yesterday night was so stress, but shou bing cheered me up. After he told me what he is like last time, I only respect him more, some things he did is really wrong, but everyone have their own way of surviving right? But ya, I respect him even more now. Even look up to him. I'm proud to know him. =) Ended up, chat and chat with him, but never study. =X


Then I bought the 'do i look like i freaking care' de card holder cum coin purse? Blue in colour. Then my mum bought that PC wallet. My wallet cheaper than hers but abit only. Shit. Better don't let her know. =X Then help cl bought this bean bag holder for HP.


Cl, I really really hope you can 'don't worry be happy'. He's not the only guy on earth. You still got tao tao, vin, happy seed and mickey mouse ar... Its like, don't always take things so seriously. Some guys are just meant to be friends ar.. maybe he's one of those. Thats why things never work out. Still got other guys out there kk?? *hugs* *hugs* This exam period you can survive de, I survived last test wk didnt I? Though, barely. But still survive ma.. =)


Sad to see my friends like that.. And ya, I can talk to him, he will reply, but I knew deep down I can never talk to him about things as freely as I did last time. Now whenever I msn him, it's just to ask him something and thats it. Pathetic right?

Yesterday really was a up and down day.


Was late for test. A test that I given up hope on. Its that bad. =) Finished the test then came out. Was late yet finish so fast. Then cl dunno repeat her 'stun-ness' how many times. lolz. 1 people come out, she say 1 time. Wanna know, go her blog and read. Then wait and wait, then go Estate office then go find Mr Chan to ask IEQ. Stress le...


Didnt feel like going home, so went to JP. Looked for wallet for my mum, cost more than mine!!! But, guess becase I only look at renoma's and pc's wallets. =X Then saw richmond, from the drinking group. Long time no see. =)


Walked around JP for like 2times? Or more for some parts. Went to NTUC, Toy R Us, and the palsa malam (think spell wrongly).. =X Bought this fcuk t-shirt. Of course not real 1 lah. But I like the design and the 'fcuk' word. $6 only. lolz... Love it!!! Shall wear on the last day of paper.. =)


After that reach home, didnt have a good rest. Then dinner wasnt really good. After which, mum shouted at brother which led to my previous entry. After that I went in to talk to my parents, like cheer them up with talking about other stuffs loh...


Stress.. thats all I can say.. and I miss you.. Know you enjoying yourself.. =)

Because of him.. I gave up JC which will led to going to a Uni.
Because of him.. I gave up my dream of further studying Phy and Maths.
Because of him.. I gave up something that I had always wanted to do since I came into contact with Phy.


But all don't matters now. I have to say this first, guys, I don't regret going to Poly and got to know you all. But please understand that it had always been my aim to go JC to further study my Phy and Maths. I'm really glad that I knew you all in poly.


When I heard my brother wanna go study Insurance and not in a Poly to just get a cert, I wanna ignore him, because I gave up my dream for him, my mum asked me to give up JC and go to a Poly. And this is what I get. No matter how many sorry won't solve it. zhanke should know this alot better than others, he saw how I reacted when I saw people from JJ after I decided to go to a Poly. They keep telling me that I can earn my Uni fees during the holidays, but please, be realistic, not possible de.


So here I am. I hate being reminded of these things because I didnt do something of my choice. Again.


Cant turn back time.. Can I?

fcuk

There's things that I do not wanna care...


Sometimes I wonder.. can I go back to what I used to be.. Sometimes there seems to be hope that I can, yet not always there. It's like, it's there but not there yet. Something that amy said about my ISP project too. Think back, like lots of stuffs that I did is there but not there. Reaching but not yet there. Irritating. But, that's me. I guess.


Hopefully I day I can just freely do what I wanna do and not care about others.


I never said this before... when I saw them, I had the urge to call zl and ask whether I can go over and have a drink. Or rather, to get drunk. =)


It's hard not to think, but trying my best not to. I don't wanna dwell on the past anymore. Tiring. It's tiring and I'm sure it's tiring for all of you out there, esp cl, who talk to me till she wanna vomit. =X


I hate weekends.. lolz.. have to survive on my own.. Sad case le... =P


Anyway, having SBR test tomorrow, then IEQ on wednesday. Good luck guys!!! and to myself. haha.. tonite got 2 nice shows!!! One chinese movie that I watched before years ago and My Date with a Vampire III!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm siao about that vampire drama series.. hehe..

I don't know what to feel.. I don't know what to think.. I don't know what to say...


I think of one.. worry about one.. miss one today...


haiz.. i hate being alone when its exam period or tests... sob sob...


lei le..

Suddenly very tired.. really very very tired.. though I'm sitting here, but any minute now I can just lay down and fall asleep even though I had slept for 12hours already.


Yesterday even when watching superstar I was laying there, as if I'm dead. Hate this feeling.


Really hate. Maybe going to take a nap later. Lucky today no school, if not I sure pon in the end anyway.


miss ham ham alot... the connection over there sure sucks ALOT... haizz.. sob sob... ham ham...


booked the chalet le.. $20 per day... =) cheap hor..

i duno what on earth i had been doing these 2 days.. not studying.. not doing anything.. just always online and tv. wasting my time away. risking failing my pjm. what the hell... why appear at such a nice timing and mess up my exams??!!!


hate you hate you HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i need a break...

Just woke up and then got piss with my brother again. My grandma asked me to bake something for dinner then need to use the mini oven, when I open, the tray is still there! Obiviously from the previous use which is my brother! Really wanna shout at him in his face. First he ate the noodles my aunt bought me, then the lemon chicken which is like $4.50 a packet and now this. I hate coming home early when he's around. No peace.


Then this morning, my IS lesson started at 8, but I'm still happily sleeping on my bed at 8! Wow. This is the first time I'm so late! Caught a cab down which cost me a bomb. Sob. I don't want to use that $40. Have to be careful with what I eat for this week le. I guess crying make you tired? Cant believe I woke up so late!!! Anyway, today last lesson.


cy refuse to take photo with me. So sad. Then he say not like wont see each other in school anymore ma. lolz. He say 1 ar. If never see him in school le sure force him to a picture. haha.


And I did something that I'm very proud of myself; not alighting the bus and take a cab. But the aftermath is not good. Shall not comment here. =)


Last of IS class, only shows how fast tests and exams are coming. Shall bury myself in pjm and ieq. Doing what I did 2 years ago. So stress...

Just when I thought that my skirt cannot get any shorter... I bought 1 skirt that is damn short!!! Really is just cover the pi gu!!! haha.. But I damn happy... but then I swear that is how short my skirt will go. Not any shorter!! lalala... ppl dun like. lolz..


Then walked around PS with lene. On the train back home talked about 18th birthday. Then planned that when I 18, we go clubbing or pub to celebrate. Coze her classmates also those guai guai de.. then mine also. So we say we go together with zl.. then invite cy along? anyway zl know cl. I told my dad, he say ok. But then cannot get drunk lah.


Then we went to spotlight to get cloths to make as 'belt'. Those you see that is selling outside now. Damn ex le. They sell like 10 over got 1. Then we buy the cloth onli like $1.50 per piece. lolz.. then ask my mum to sew the ends for us. So ya, will get it next week. hehe. Clever hor?


Suddenly miss ham ham alot. Your fault lah. No online. Then online you put busy.. BLEAH!!!!

Looking into the mirror
I saw someone
A girl who has my hair, my eyes, my nose
Someone who looks exactly like me


But somehow
There’s something different


Something inside her had died
Someone had mercilessly left her to die
O, now I remembered
He left me to die that night


Now I know
There’s something different


I called him one night
When I left so alone, so depress
He took ages to get to the phone
All he said was he’s busy


Looking into the soul
There’s something different


With his own hands
He slide the final cut on my heart
With that, I prepared myself for my last night
All because he let me


Deep down
There’s something different


From that night
Nothing the same anymore
Day by day I lived aimlessly
Dieing a bit everyday


Look into me
There’s something different


I wish he would have save me
Like he used to
But
He’s the one who kill me


Nothing else changes

Forgotten what time I slept last time. Was happily reading Baby Blues' comics and chatting with ham ham after I read through PJM once that I almost didnt want to sleep. Basically when I read PJM, it's going in and out at the same instant. haha. Before that was cursing myself for not able to write IEQ report. I hate it alot when I'm lost at how to write a report esp when I can just write off a paragraph or two for my friend when I'm in Year 1. So ya, I do get piss off with myself when I'm not able to write one or got stuck. Then somemore, I got stuck there for like half a day. Basically spent the whole day writing that stupid IEQ report.


But!!!! I had my long waited Zinger Burger yesterday for breakfast cum lunch. And steamed fish for dinner. And ham ham came back!!!! So I guess overall it's still a good day. At least, ham ham is back. lalalala.


Then woke up today, chatted with cy. hehe.


I like to thank all of you who are in my life now!!! Esp cl, ham ham and cy. Everytime I'm down they will be willing to listen to me, forgoing things that they rather be doing and listen to me. XIE XIE NI MENG!!!!! If not coze of you all, i dun think i can survive till now... =)


*doubt things will be the same*

fuck le.. i dunno how to continue writing the ieq report... HELP ME!!!!

The question that is ringing in my mind "why did i miss the bus today?"


It might sound crazy as to help I want to board that bus. I rather get it over and done with. If I'm a strong believer of fate, I would say I'm fated not to see them together. Because I miss the bus by a mere minute or so which is caused by my new slippers which slow down my walking speed. It's this small little unnoticeable thing that made me miss the bus. You might say it means that I'm fated to miss the bus. What the.... haizz


Anyway, I'm so tired. It's only 11:35pm and I'm tired. Sleepy. Never sleep in class today. lolz.


I hope I have the courage to msn/ sms you.


Thanks cy for listening to me, causing him not to sleep for 1 hour. And I saw him today. =D

Super Star

Just now, Derrick was the first to sing, Liao Jie, by Sun Yan Zi. Really got touched by the song till I wanna cry. Jun Yang's also.


It's like because of this progamme, I got to know how to 'get touched' by songs, really listen to the lryics, feel for it. I don't know it's good or bad. Because ever since then, I got touched by songs way too easily. Everything is link back to him once again.


'coze i understand, i'm sad. coze i understand, i'm not able to. and till now, i still treasure everything'


Had IBT test today. Finished in like 35mins or lesser. And guess what, I got 35.5 out of 40. Actually no need guess lah. Those who are reading this should know. lolz. So happy!!! Ya, show that actually I can do it. It's just a matter whether I want to or not. So ya, I will do it once again. Can't let those who believe in me down right? =D


As you know, my SIM card got 'rejected' by phone. Called 1633, then that guy attitude so I attitude back. Called my mum, then meet her at UOB building. Got a replacement of SIM card for free but then I lost all my data in it. Luckily the numbers are save in my phone instead of the card, but my old sms-es from nokia phone is gone. New start? Actually their service center the service quite good. lolz.


Walked around, saw Noda, went to see see and bought a pair of heels slipper? lolz. Don't know whats its call. Wearing it tomorrow ba. My mum paid for me. haha. THANKS!!!


Came home, she cooked soup for me and had dinner. So xin fu today.


i miss ham ham...


*you came into my mind together again. and i was thinking. what am i waiting for all these years? and till now i can't find an answer. the answer is with you*

Had my ISP presentation today and it well pretty well. It lasted for almost 8minutes or more. =) And Amy said my presentation is good but there's room for improvement. It seems good enough to hear all these because she never say others' was good. One more did, but she never analysis. Hope I can get an A for this project. Confrim is B and above because there's analysis in it and description which is the 'at least'. And I was the first one. So ya, I'm pretty happy with myself. Worth the hard work.


Then sitted there for the next 3hours plus listening to others. Some, I really didnt get what they are saying and started to get restless... =X Still got 5 people havnt represent. Not enough time. So they gonna do it next week. And next week is our last lesson!!! Actually I will kind of miss ISP but then also, finally, no need to wake up at 6 in the morning to go school!!! Today was like so tiring. Slept on the bus to school and also when I took the bus to jurong east. Then while waiting for my turn to see doctor, I felt asleep too.. So tired that I gave up and took cab home. =X Ex le.. $4.90. lolz. But then, don't care, tired. Reached home, never eat, just go and sleep till 6plus. I guess around 2 to 3 hours of napping. Really very tired.


Woke up, bathe, dad called. Asked me is there anything I want him to buy coze he's at clementi. Then he bought soup for me. hehe. Love my dad!!! Coze today weather very cold, then I bathe come out wanna have something hot for dinner, so soup is the best choice. Today dinner is a feast! Normally weekdays dinner we do not have no many dishes. There's home cooked ones and also soup, curry chicken and black sauce chicken. See... so yummy. The soup was really heavenly!!! Ate quite alot. Then I was there telling my father to come home faster coze I very hungry. haha.. Really hungry till don't know what.


So full from dinner that I never sit down for awhile, watched tv till 8:30, then came online...


Sian. Tomorrow got test... hope can score? But doubt so!!! I don't know how to draw that stupid flow chart!!


Miss ham ham. Never see him online for 2days or so le. ham ham!!!!!


I would like to thanks those who had helped my in my ISP project!! xie xie ni meng. And did you all notice something? It always rain on tuesday for this half of the sem. Confrim chop chop. It had been raining every week, those weeks that I had been in school lah, coze got 1 week we went to ACM.


*i shall burn my notes and drink*

_x_how are you doing these days? happy ma?_x_

*yawn* Now waiting for CPM report.. and I will be off to my bed. Tired. Never nap today.


Thanks cy for chatting with me and he never fails to make me smile even though I'm so pek chek. Cooled me down. But then also because he did not know what's going on. Really very funny. Then asked me check his ppt, crap alot. hehe. The usual? Then 'nagged' at him to stop smoking. Told him I hate to see my friend smoke then he say don't worry, he won't smoke on Tuesday. haha. Then talking about manicure, told him I like french manicure, don't like pattern pattern de, then tell me he like french kissing, don't like pattern kissing. lolz. Got pattern kissing de meh?? Anyway, ya, he made me smile again today.


Did nothing much yesterday. Woke up only at 11plus coze I slept at only 3plus due to my projects. Then yesterday slept at 1plus. Then my mum scold me.. weekend always sleep so late then whole day like sleeping only. Then when they sleeping I do my things. But only at those weird weird hours no one in the living room to distract me ar.. Somemore no tv show also.. lolz


Sad le. Never manage to complete reading any books for these two weeks. Too busy with stuffs I guess. Then that ham ham say I look more like everyday shopping and not those staying at home to study type!!! hummpf.


Thinking to go cut hair again. Had another blow the other day. haizzz... but I don't bear to cut away my long hair!!! Spent so much money on it.


Tomorrow having CPM presentation, tuesday having ISP presentation, then wednesday having IBT test... haizzz... I wanna die le lah..

After 2weeks, I saw him again. And the first thing that came into my mind is fuck. I don't even have to look at his face to know he's there. Scaning through is enough. Lucky tao tao there with me. And lucky I no need to take 154 home. Took 157.


Did part of my ISP project today. Thanks guys!! Hope it turns out ok. Shall plan the ppt later.


Today chatted in the morning with ham ham.. so happy.. hehe.. Then during the talk saw Mickey Mouse. So happy.


Don't know what to write le. Not in the mood... O ya.. saw cy today also.. hehe..


Some guys are for looking only....

Suddenly felt very tired. Been easily tired nowadays. So pig... Maybe sleep early? But tomorrow 10 then lesson if sleep early abit wasted..


Anyway, today went to ACM. Quite fun. It's really interesting to see how other tribes are living, so basic, so naturally, unlike us. Saw the video and it reminded me of Laos. The simple life they life as compared to us. Compare to the tribes, Laos seems so much better. So ya, imagine the difference. It's like, in this modern world, somewhere in a small area in some country, there's still people who believe in legends, believing that it's the man who is to bring all the food to the table and the women to weave clothes and take care of the house, living in a world without electricity BUT fearing the customs will stop. Even saw some of the items there. Should go there again sometime. Ngee Ann Poly as a member school, we no need to pay!! haha. And one interesting thing is the head hunting, meaning, the man go to hunt down the enemy, take the skull and do craving on it before he can marry! O mine. I wont want my husband to be so... so violent? lolz..


And, now then I realize my ISP project is due NEXT TUESDAY!! And I have do.. lolz... haiz.. nvm.. tomorrow will do le..


After that went to meet my bao bei cl at town to go shop around. I really buy till nothing to buy go buy a water bottle. haha. Just wanna spend!!


Took 174 home... slept half way of the jounery. After it passed NP, can't sleep anymore and just got restless.. again.. sob. Then now, so tired again. Don't know whats happen to my body...


somehow, i seems to be standing there again. waiting. waiting for you to walk with me again. will you?

Today, I saw something interesting in Jurong Point Library's toilet.


Ok, this little girl, not more than 4-5 years old went into one of the toilet stall herself. While the mum went to another one. Then that mum never teach her daughter what is open and close of the door. Then the daughter accidentally lock the door and ended up, the daughter got scared and cried and climbed out through the door gap! How terrible is this? Then the mother still can scold the daughter and asked her whether she still dare to lock the door or not and not comforting her to stop crying!


What kind of a mother is her? Since you know your daughter does not know how to lock and unlock the door, you should have went in with her! That's what my mum do till I knew how to lock and unlock the door, even then, for the early stages, she will wait outside my door! At first I thought, maybe it's the designer fault, but after awhile, I felt it's the fault of the mother. In my nearly 18 years of living, I had never saw such a thing happen before; the mum going into 1 toilet and the daughter to another.


Come on, how could it be the fault of the person who design the toilet? If what the little girl faced is really a problem, the government would have changed the door lock design. I still cannot belived what the mum did. Letting her daughter go to the toilet herself without telling her how to lock and unlock the door! Ok, so you might say the mum had already told the little girl not to lock the door, but how the hell is the little girl suppose to know what is lock and what is unlock? Somemore, the door is not suitable for a little girl her age to open! And the mum just happily went to the handicap's and pee, leaving her daughter on her own. She could have well bring her along into the handicap's toilet, it's big enough! Then the poor little girl had to climb through the door gap. Imagine how tiny she is and how scare she must had been to do so.


Besides this little incident I saw, my mum and I walked by a tour agency and saw this tour to NZ that is 11days with farm stay which costed at least 3.5k!!! But I very much wanna go!!! =X I'm spoilt, sue me! haha...

SO HOT!!! O my tian o my di...


Been quite awhile since I last wrote so I guess some updates, ya?


Cant really remember what happened these days, stm. Let's see... thurs had tutorial first, discussing about IEQ project, chatting with ham ham, then FEN tutorial... Wanted to see cy, but didnt get to. *sad* Then that stupid ham ham did some stupid stuffs!!! *bish* After tutorial, tong, cl and me waited at mr chan's car to take a car ride over to blk 34. haha. Abit lame lah, but fun!! Too bad he got no son, if not cl and me sure fight. lolz.


Play around during the lab lesson, lame around then very fast our last FEN lab lesson le. So fast. SOB!! Took pictures at the lab room. haha. Can't remember which canteen we went to.. Canteen 3? Think so. Then never eat, just drink, then went over to Library to eat nachos.. hehe. Rot there till we grow worms le.


Had pjm quiz which we finished in like 10mins? As usual. hehe.


Pei cl over to canteen 1, then to canteen 2 then back to PJM lesson. Didnt listen in class. Then on friday I still go admit in front of lec that I never listen. Since the lec know I never listen, no need act guai guai what... hehe.


Friday went for Sakae Sushi instead of fireballs. =X 100 over people le. Wo Bu Yao! Nothing much. Just rotted and all...

Complicated. That's all I can say what is on my mind. It had been so long since things are so complicated till I don't even know how to write them down. Imagine how lost I am now...


So I guess I will take things as they come. Just wanna have fun. Since school reopens never been out besides going to school. Haiz. Rushing projects what to do? Stress till I don't know how to say.


Sms-ed cy and so shocked he entertain me.. haha. One of my fv guy friend. Cute cute but a bit to the bad boy side too.


Haizz... really dont know how to continue. Write later ba. Lost till I just wanna have some fun....

Taking a short break to write an entry before reading up my PJM. Actually wanna use tonight to study abit but end up, used the WHOLE night to do the IEQ and my IS thingy.


Napped on the bus just now. Reached home, did some reading and went to rest awhile. Cant sleep. Just lay there for awhile. After dinner started on my IEQ le.. Then calling here and there to rush people to finish their IEQ. Everyone did their best to rush give me their part of the report, for this, I wanna thank all of you. I'm really happy that we all manage to finish it in just these few hours of time. If not because of you all, it wont be possible.


The kick of rushing and handleing so many things at one time is really a very good feeling. But also scold f alot of time. All cl fault!!! Always f here and there.. then I also f here and there. Anyway, it's over. Taking a break. haha.


Also must thanks cy for helping me de-stress.. lolz. Ya, I really like talking to you. =)


Now that IEQ and PJM is down.. need to move on to CPM and IEQ project. Hopefully FEN can finish by tuesday. Then more or less, we are there.


For now.. really dont wanna sink in.

I was like so damn happy before I went to bathe and now this?!


Anyway, my NZ trip was being cancel.. BUT I'm going to China in Oct. Yes yes, I'm that despo that I will do ANYWHERE! So don't be surpise that I'm going to China. But, ya, it's a surpise to my mum and dad because I had declare since I got hook by travelling that I'm not going to China and here I am going to China at my own will. Now you can imagine how despo I am to willingly go China. It would be a 10days trip. Just nice come back singapore, rest a while and back to school.


And, because my dearest ham ham is having his holiday in April 06, I would be (if according to plan) fly over to canada in April for 2weeks the most. And because of this, I think I have to go work for awhile to earn abit or pocket money for my school days because I cant use the money in the bank anymore if I wanna fly there myself without my mum tagging along which is what I want. haha. So ya, I have to save to go there. The air tickets itself cost quite alot because it's SO FAR! 20hours of flight. And the first trip that I will really relax because there's no places to rush to. If I want, can just even rot in the room for 2wks. haha. He said ok but he have to find a place first because during holiday they cannot stay in their dom. I'm so happy when he said that it's no problem that I go over. =) *big smile*


*dancing around for awhile*


Then came out, vin ask me to ieq report. wt... better pray I have the mood to do it tonight. If not I will just throw to other peopel to do. Don't like last minute for school work.


Cant wait to go oversea. hehe. And to see ham ham... Yesterday I got abit jealous when he mention that a girl went offline then he there, just a friend, not her. stupid ham ham..


And I told my mum, if I am to go U next time. I will work part time as a insurance agent. And maybe I will go work in the tour agency whereby I just need to bring the people to another country then follow. No need intro the place de. And I will earn lots of money so I can treat my mum to touring!!! haha. Maybe should find a work that can let me travel here and there.. haha