Since I'm bored now... I will write an entry as to why I should and will be a rich little girl in the near future. =)

1. Whenever I walked by jewellery shops, they will ask whether I wanna take a look when it's obvious that I'm still schooling!!! Especially that shop near Centerpoint. Whenever I walk past, they will attempt to attract me into their shop and my friends never got asked. I must have look rich to them.

2. There's this time whereby properties agents had this stand at Boon Lay Interchange near the MRT. Just game back to school and looked so tired and so student-ly, and when I walked past, one of the agent asked me whether I wanna buy a flat. Wow, I looked even more rich here. Beside able to afford jewellery, I can afford a flat!!!! Haha. See, I'm meant to be a rich girl because I can afford to buy a flat at a young age of 17!

3. The last time I went to cut my hair at Monsoon, my hairstylist aka Ron asked me to employ him as my personal hairstylist. Meaning he will follow me around and style my hair whenever needed like those treatment stars (singers and actors) will get. Imagine! How costly it is to have a hairstylist that will follow you wherever you go and carrying all the equipments that is needed to style your hair throughout the WHOLE day. Though compare to Tony & Guy, Monsoon is alot cheaper but it's still counted as one of the 'high class' salon around. So think about this, if I am able to hire a personal hairstylist that will follow me around-the-clock that is now working at Monsoon, I'm really damn rich. Or should I say, I look DAMN RICH!

4. This reason is the most non-logic reason that I will just write for the sake of writing. Most of my friends think that I'm rich when I'm not. Even those that don't know me, those that I just know online, think I'm a rich girl.

5. My dad say I'm rich.

So in conclusion, I am going to be a rich little girl or maybe I am in my last life and will be again this life. =) I don't wear branded stuffs, I don't carry branded stuff. The few branded stuffs I have are my Renoma wallet, PC wallet, one Espirt top from my cousin, one worn-out Billabong bag. That seems to be the branded stuffs I have! See, without having any branded stuffs on me, people think I'm rich and can afford a flat, a personal hairstylist that follow me around and branded jewelleries. Therefore, I shall and will be a rich girl next time. wahaha. =D

Broke down on Thursday night. Was really depress and all. And it only got worst after that call. Cried and cried and cried, for what I also have no idea. Over-stress, over-tired, over-work... No idea. But I just cried. Anyway after awhile ok le. Shocked my mum for awhile for not being myself and for the past few days never had a whole real dinner with rice and vege and meat at home. Always just share my dad's soup with him, so basically my dinner had just been meatballs and fish meat.

Then friday morning which is yesterday, woke up, bathed and waited online for kai. hehe. So happy. Chatted with him till 9:10 before I go to school and thus I ended up late for class for 10mins. haha. But felt better after chatting with him. So it's worth it.

Stayed back in school to do the IS project till 8plus and catch a cab home. Too tired. Abit waste money, I know. But just wanna get pampered for awhile. Rested on bed for awhile and my dad came home with dinner.

Bascially these few days just not myself. Think never eat enough ba.. hm... Write later. chatting with ham ham.. hehe.

called you.. ya fine. busy for all i care.. even if i die tonite... i wont regret. because i tried to talk to you but then its you wont talk to me.

i cried. i was really at the edge of crying. i decided to call you because you say you will listen to me. but now. really just feel like ending everything right now. at least i wont feel this hurt anymore. at least i no longer need to care about my results. at least i wont pester you again. at least there's no expectation to live up to..

No idea why suddenly so down.. Maybe because he's 20hours apart from me or maybe he's not talking to me.

I really don't know. Don't know what I'm thinking. I have no idea what is going on in me.

Just can't smile today. And when I did, it just seems to tell my friends I'm fine when I'm not.

When I saw him in school, it's like seeing a stranger. Remembered how heartless he can get when he ignore me, not reply any of my messages. It all hurts. And make me just do my project.

While waiting for bus, I wanna the bus to come slower as it's going to be 7, but at the same time, I wanna the bus to come faster so I can avoid seeing him. Dont know how to say. Wanna be on the bus with him so that maybe he will talk to me. Acknowledge that I'm his friend. But I don't want to see him because it will make me remembered how heartless he treated me.

Wanna sms kai, but no idea whether he will receive. No idea whether he will reply or not. It's just so.. I dont know.

Lost... I'm lost again.. the last time I'm lost.. kai offered to buy me a map to find my way... *sweet*

Really have no idea I'm actually so tired.. Suppose to take a nap but just keep sleeping and sleeping till my mum came home.

Yesterday night wasnt feeling good, dizzy, so went to sleep as early as 10pm. Can you believe it? I actually slept at 10pm. But it felt like 12am or even 2am to me. It was that bad. So anyway, did went to sleep and woke up at 6am to go for my IS class.

The class issnt that bad. I regret choosing something that I might risk pulling down my GPA, but if I dont choose this knowing that I have a choice to, I will regret forever, like what I did with my course. So anyway, ya, I took up this module and I'm determine to at least get a B. I don't want anymore C in my result slip. I'm sure I can do this, as long as I believe in myself. =)

But the bad thing is.. it lasted for 4hours. *yawn* But then still alright. Know a few new friend, saw yan xiu there. Thats about it. The lecturer is actually quite fun. But I guess I'm just not in my form today. Having headaches and dizzy spell. Barely able to stay awake.

Reached JP, bought Filet-O-Fish home but end up finding a hair inside the burger. Took it back to Mac and demanded a refund. lalala. And with that $2 and some top-ups from my brother, I bought mee pok home to eat. haha. Today isnt a day to mess with me. If I was to faint before I get home, I will sure sue Mac. lolz.

Guess now it's time to get back to work. Lots of projects to do.. reports.. presentations... The usual. But wont overwork myself too much.. hehe. Must take care of myself.

zki really have no idea why we became like this. not talking and all. you chose this, i respect it. but i hate this. i hate not able to tell you what's on my mind. i hate having to treat you like a stranger. i hate to be treated like a stranger by you. i hate all this...

kai: it had been two days since you went over to canada.. thinking of you every now and then. it's morning over there now.. did you just woke up or are you out there exploring already? hmm.. you are an early riser but you have to adjust to the difference in time.. gd luck to you..

what the fuck lah. i place my evian bottle at the table you go throw away. who ask you anyhow touch my bottle?! super piss off. the bottle is imported and it cost $3.60. It's not about the cost but I like the bottle. I like evian's bottle design k? what the fuck. anyhow touch my thing then now tell me dunno where. piss off.

First of all... I cut my hair!!!!! Yes, I finally did. Ok, dont nag to me about wasting money. It's $20, I know. But I like the relaxing feeling of it, it's like an enjoyment/ relaxing/ destressing thing for me to do. It's like a treat to myself after studying so hard or a stop for me to re-charge before the next half of the term start. Something like that. And, I changed my hair style k? lolz. No idea what it will be like. But ya, I trust my hairstylist.

Secondly, got back two papers. CPM I got 91 and 77 for IBT. Didnt expect to get so high for CPM because I finished it in like 30mins and give up. For IBT, I lost marks in the theory department. But then, I'm going to fight for what I believed in. I know I can do it now that I found him and because I should at least maintain my standard if I don't improve.

There's something that I dont wish to write here. But those who think the same way as me will know what is going on. Pretty piss off about it but then, it kind of make me wanna work harder.

Next, I miss him!!!!! Haha. When I got back the result, I wanna sms him to tell him but then, he's like 20hours away from Singapore. O well.. time for me to be independent right? =) I can do this. With you, I really wanna believe in Fate. If it's not meant to be, I still wanna thank you for bringing back laughter into my life. But for now, let me look to you as my motivation and support. =D

No idea why. Just felt like I can overcome whatever that is to come. Had I grow up overnight? lolz.

O ya.. whisky is wwwwaaaayyyyyy bitter for me. haha.

..wanna believe in fate..

damn piss off with ng zhan ke. i dun care who will see this entry. wtf. never once did someone treat me like this. fine. whatever.

It's 11:14am now.. most probaly the plane is waiting to take off from the ground. But ya.. I miss him already. Just now when he replied my sms to take care and not to forget him, I almost cried. But I didnt. It's part-time only anyway. But still, I miss him though his plane just took off from the ground of Singapore.

Like I say, I didnt go to send him off. Dont regret it (mostly), anyway I had him to myself for lunch and breakfast yesterday.

I counted, it will be around 10 months before he comes back to Singapore. No idea what it will be like but I guess I shall just leave it to fate. Anyway like my friend say, it's already kind of fated as to when I knew about it and just nice the next day I no need to go to school and can meet them and then on sat we went out again.

Like he said, I will forget about that guy. Hmm... just leave it to fate k? But then, bear with me for a week maybe. Dont ask me what I want, I will only tell you I wanna fly over to Canada this instance. lolz. Hey, my friend is over there k? haha. Or rather now on his way to there. 20hours of flight. Will he think of me? Will he miss me? hmmm.. I know I will...

Maybe with all the girls you are like these, but as far as I remembered, you are not. I like to believe you are only like this with me. Dont tell me otherwise and spoil the magic. =) Trying to keep myself busy today...

I like to both smile and tear at the same time now...

Kai leaving tomorrow. But these two days, because of him, I'm really happy but sad at the same time.

Happy because he accompanied me yesterday for lunch (kingsley too) and walked around JP. Stealed his watch home and he promised me breakfast today.

So, I woke up at 8:30am today to bathe and go to meet him for breakfast a Long John Sliver. Cant stop smiling with him. Took a long time to eat finish and went to walk the whole of Jurong Point for godknowshowlong. At 11, he told me, time for lunch. 3 hours since breakfast. I was like, so SHOCKED! Then don't know why say say till the first time we go watch moive together with the rest of the gang (during first 3mth when everyone is still talking to everyone). Then I sat between him and cheryl, then he keep talking to cheryl, I teased him, if he still talk to her then he have to treat me swenense ice cream, and ya, I got my ice cream! haha. Then just now whent there to have lunch. I ordered an Apply Crumble and he ordered a Fish & Chip. None of us can finish what we ordered. Too full!!!!

After that went back to JP to get me that bottle so he can get back his watch. So fun to be with him. No worries whatsoever. Dont have to worry about anything. Took photos. Wanna have a look at my boyfriend, go to my friendster.

After buying he sent me home in a cab and he went down to PS himself to meet another friend for moive and then down to steamboat with the class and supper with cheryl. I'm happy that we can spend some time together before he fly over. It had been like 1yr since I last saw him but don't have the stranger feeling. So good. Feel so safe...

Details wont be written here. It will be kept in my mind.. hehe. Waiting for May 2006 to come so he will be back here in singapore. Thanks for the Qoo cans... Love them and your watch..

Though we rarely get together.. but ya.. Like I wrote in friendster.. parting can be smiles and not tears because you will be back and there's still msn and internet. *hugs* Love ya.

SOB!!!!!!!!!!

I almost cried just now. My dearest ham ham aka zhao kai from jjc's 3mth is going to canada to study uni. SOB!!!! then he flying off on sunday. Dont know when he coming back. Then now then I know... sad.. super sad..

really gonna cry soon...

Common Test had finally come to an end. But still, I still can't smile big and bright like I used to.

Today woke up at 8am. After bathing, read my notes for awhile and went to prepare going to school, changing, contact lens, make-up etc. Nowadays usually will wear light make-up before going out. Vain. hehe. Met chinling to school at JP and then saw tong on the bus.

Even on the bus never read much about the notes, keep wanting to fall asleep. Kind of give up on the paper. But turn out, alot of stuffs not tested, hope can get a B. Finished the paper in 30mins together with tong and vin.

Spent some time in school, walking here and there, and finally ate my Egg Mayo!!! It had been MIA-ing from school for very very long time. So happy. But the standard seems to had dropped.

Went down to Far East Plaza next to collect my shoes and then down to Heeren to take Neo Print. Everytime we take neo print sure very noisy. lolz. paiseh. lucky no one know we poly students. lolz.

Walked over to Cathay for lunch and shopped around for present and I bought a bag myself, $26. Dont ask me why I wanna buy. Just wanna get a sling bag. Change for image maybe. Anyway, gonna cut my hair on monday. =) Something that will make me happy because I like the feeling of being serve.

Then went to PS to walked around again. Leg tired ar. Then bag also so heavy. haizz. Lucky got tong help me carry somethings.

Nothing much loh. Then took 174 back to Boon Lay and then went to the library to borrow some books to read.

Also no mood write much. The reason which make me keep smiling issnt there anymore. Also no mood to write. Haizz. Sorry guys. Let you all down.

Really never felt so hopeless over a paper before...

Once I saw that question, really give up. When I hand in the paper, I already give up. Really is totally give up on FEN.

Before that got a bad feeling, but didnt know its this bad.

But then, over it. No point talking about it anymore. Tomorrow last paper and then can go out le!!!! PJM.. another paper that sux. Or maybe because of certain thing thats why now everythin sux.

I have no idea why. Both are like that.... Nvm.. Sms or msn also dun reply me... Fine... I dont like to continue pestering the person if he/she like that...

Waiting for tomorrow to go enjoy!!!!

Actually just now watch JJ very high, but somehow, after calling my mum got super piss off. I mean, where got mother like that? Dun feel like eating liao. Whats the deal. Just a dinner. Dont eat wont die.

So fuckup.

Then just now when I walk back, I almost cried. All because of that thing again... Really nothing without ...

so f-up..

i hate myself for thinking the way i think last night but i cant help it. and i'm damn piss with being ignored. whatever. dont care dont care loh.

cried last night. just break down. though awhile ok, but then the tears just keep flowing and flowing. luckily my mum slept. thought can cry myself to sleep but then can't sleep. keep turning and turning but still can't sleep.

the most i guess i slept for 4hours? on the bus was so tired and sleepy that just felt asleep all the way to ngee ann.

wake up got this feeling in the stomach. like wanna threw up. nvm...

finish the paper in 45 mins. doesnt matter. nothing matters anymore.

*hate being ignored*

fuck lah.. been so long since i last felt like crying.. and now i wanted to. all because of that stupid test...

Yesterday was fun I guess.

Woke up, prepare to fry rice, online chat for awhile, went to fry my rice, bathe and prepare to go out. Everything happened at such a fast pace. But then, the fried rice taste not bad. =D

Went to meet cl first at JP to shop around, kill sometime before we go take 174 to meet xt. We were both so shocked to see him wearing a flower top. But then not bad. The bus ride was damn long. Reached heeren, walked around abit to wait for vin. Actually wanna get a bag, but at the end never. *in love with bags from wallet shop*

Came out, went to take bus to the bus stop before PS. Bought this shawl with cl. Love it. Look very mature. lolz. Since xt havnt taken his lunch, we went to the food court there to eat. The carrot cake store really is cheat us. But then never mind lah, is share so end up we go buy another set of bake rice and fried fish. haha. Love the cheese on top of the bake rice. =P

By the time we decided to leave the food court, it's raining cats and dogs. No choice, have to walk in the rain to the bus stop and got wet. Took 1 stop to PS and had fun there.

After awhile went to took a cab down to VCH and started taking photos. Saw tong!!! haha. So handsome wor. Black black de. But sad le, he only played during the interval. So short. But not bad, overall.

Took 502 home with cl. While walking home, actually got abit scare coze very hulu. Really not a single soul around. But then just walk, not first time so late go home anyway. When near my block, I saw two policemen so I faster walk to take the lift before they walked away. haha. Reached home, online awhile and went to sleep.

Overall, the day is fun. But abit tiring. Isnt only me that feel this way? lolz. Then sad le. nothing to buy...

only you can make my smile last... do you care?

somehow.. i dun feel like smiling. over stress.. over tired.. i dunno. maybe what jim kai say is true.. only with you i relax and let my guide down. no matter how fake i am with others.. to you i try not to hide as much as possible. happy i have you as my friend..

i wanna take the chance
so i called
you say ya
and down i went to meet you
i cant bring myself to smile
but somehow
i wanted to
because of you
dun think its fake
what i show in front of you
is as true as i can possible make it
thanks for being there when i need someone to...

how i wish i can tell you that you are the one on my mind.
but i cant.
i asked you dont go and you asked why.
i wish i could tell you because i want you to pei wo.
but i cant.
thats so much i wish i could tell you yesterday night.
but i cant.
unless...
you are what you are 10mths back...

'what's on your mind'
you are

anyway... thanks for your time.

i feel so fucked up now... so stress as to what the ibt notes is talking abt. at that pt of time i understand but now i dun. so confuse. so disheartened.

if not coze of u.. i would hv put fuck...