I hadn't really think of how to handle it.
Everything happened too fast and before I knew it, I was on the flight to Europe for more than two weeks.
Though its a past event now, but somehow deep inside, it still seems like a present issue. But we choose not to talk about it.
It hurt so badly that I felt so helpless and lost.
I cried and cried. Till I felt emotionless.
Then I lost sleep.
And I cried again.
If he really know me the best, this would not have happened.
Personally thats how I feel.
It hurt most when its the person that you hold most dearly to your heart that is the cause.

He once told me, think of the happy things, when I was feeling troubled and not able to sleep.

Can I use the same tactic tonight and believe with my heart and soul everything will work out tomorrow?

Please tell me it will. Please...

Its really busy busy for me. Not with school, but with other stuffs like my patchwork class, baking, spending time with boyfriend, gym-ing and the list goes on and on.

And.. Im flying off to Europe in 14days for 16days. =) Mum paid for the trip, otherwise I wont be agreeing to go. Its freaking expensive! The weather is kinda crazy now, so I still have no idea how much winter-alike clothes I need to bring there. This is prolly the coldest period I had ever went on a trip. Especially to the highest point in Europe. *wow*

I just wish theres more time with boyfriend.

Chocolate Red Wine Cake

Got this recipe from Food & Travel. A pretty simple recipe, my first time at baking cake though. Yes. My first. Decided to try this since there's a bottle of red wine at my house and none of us drink.

Maybe because I dont like the dryness of red wine, I cant really appreciate this cake. But generally, its a good chocolate cake. Looks and feels heavy, but its actually quite moist. Maybe I didnt use the correct baking tin, hence resulted in the slightly harder edges. Pretty ok for first timer I guess. *comforting self* lolz.

Shall let boyfriend grade this since he likes red wine.

Tiramisu

I had always wanted to make Tiramisu since we bought 2 coffee liquor from our Bintan trip last Sept. Finally get down to it last weekend. It was a pretty successful first try I must say since its almost gone in one night. But its really not easy nor cheap making this.

Before I decide whether or not to create another blog for my baking collections, shall share the recipes..

Tiramisu Mousse (modified from http://wensdelight.blogspot.com/2009/04/tiramisu-cream-cheese.html)
250g Cream cheese (Philidephia) - thaw for at least 1 hr
40g Sugar
1tbsp Icing sugar
3 Egg yolks
80g Coffee liquor (i use Bailey's)
1/2tbsp Gelatin (soak with 2 tbsp cold water)
250g Fresh cream (otherwise known as whipped cream)
Cocoa Powder for dusting

Syrup (gotten from other recipe) (i had 3 share of this for my 8'' tiramisu and barely sufficient)
100ml hot water with any instant coffee mix of your choice
20g Coffee liquor (i use Bailey's)

For the base, instead of sponge cake, I used store bought ladyfingers. Found them at Candy Empire.

Things to note:
1) Pretty challenging to hand-whipped the fresh cream + icing sugar into cream. Similarly for whipping the egg yolk + sugar into cream
2) A tap too little mousse for a 8'' square tin
3) Any coffee liquor of your choice will be good. Bailey's add a very smoothing effect to the cake that I cant find outside
4) Chilled overnight

This recipe is definitely a keeper. But most likely getting boyfriend to do the whipping for me next time. O ya, for the usual Tiramisu, another type of cheese is used rather than cream cheese. I thought NTUC only carry cream cheese so ended up looking for this recipe, no regrets though as the response are good.

i'm really happy i found you...

i'm glad i found you too..

=)

Valentine Day 2011

Its our 3rd Valentine Day together. And like previous years, we didnt really celebrate. Just a simple dinner due to various reasons e.g. poor & rushing service for places that offer V-Day menu. Both of us dont appreciate a rush meal nor under-standard food. No compliant though, as the main celebration for us is our anniversary in July.

But like any couple, I would really love to express my appreciation that Darren makes (and continue to do so) me into a better person.

His endless love
His unquestionable trust
His guardians when I'm lost
His support when I needed that little bit of encouragement
His protection from 'evil'
His familiar scent - Unforgettable
His always warm and assuring hugs
His gentle caring
His nagging that warms and irritates me both at the same time

He also taught me to be more social
More caring
More forgiving
More loving
More happy
More strong
Less emo
Less fussy
Less angry
Less stubborn

And most importantly, to have more FUN!

I never knew I can be so happy.
He taught me the real meaning of enjoying life and living it to the fullest.

Dar, thank you for coming into my life and allowing me to enter yours too.

my prefect man

I finally bought a pair of boots! From Aldo. CNY shopping.. Its almost half the budget that boyfriend allows me to purchase at. So I'm really happy with the purchase. The original pair I wanted is from Ecco which cost over $300. This current pair is $180. There goes my extra pocket money from CNY. Now I just need to get some leggings and I'm good to go to Europe!

Yes. The sole reason why I wanted a pair of boots is for Europe. Vain right? But how often you will fly to such a fair away country?! Even if I cant buy any branded bags back (though I'm sure to at least get one), I have pretty photos! So I'm determined to travel in style this time. Boots, trench coat, dress, leggings, shorts. The typical style you cannot really enjoy in the warm weather of Singapore.

And boyfriend promised me we will go to a short getaway to celebrate my official graduation in Nov. *happy* Not sure whether we will get any short getaway in the middle of the year though. Malacca? Or locally? Hmmm..

I have mix feelings about the long trip though. Because it means not seeing boyfriend for 15/16 days. Hopefully they have wireless at the hotels.

I HAD OFFICIALLY ENDED MY UNI PART TIME (NO LIFE) STUDY ON 27 JAN 11 9PM!!!

Officially because I got my final results only on 27 Jan, 9 pm. Though I had been enjoying my life to the max during the past one month plus, but to do it officially from now on is on a totally different level.

The feeling of waiting for the results 1 hour before was too much for me to take. Upon seeing the results that I passed, the feeling just overwhelmed by the happiness of leaving behind the toughest period that I just cried in front of the computer. Mum cried with me too.

Its the feeling of not ever going back to school after a tired day at work, not having to pull yourself up the bus and train then back home, not needing to stay up late at night till 4am to rush my assignments or write exam notes, not having to give up time with friends, family, boyfriend and myself to academic stuffs, not lossing sleep due to projects, not feeling so tired that I sleep in school, and the list just goes on and on. Having just two days to study for exam is no joke and I'm truly glad that I made it through.

I finally did it.

Graduation will be on 19 Nov 11.
3 days after my birthday.

Really thank all from the bottom of my heart to those who help and support me throughout this two years..

And now, the next biggest thing will be the Europe trip in April!! =D

I think no one can really understand how carefree and happy I feel starting 2011 (besides boyfriend i guess). Since, truly speaking, he's the one who saw me through the whole period and how stress or depress I get because I dont have time for myself.

And so, I'm really happy I have time for exercise (gym), going home for homecook dinner, play fully on weekends, shopping after work as and when I want and even meeting friends!!

Started on gym and pilates class on Tuesday and it was great! Though I was aching all over after that. But it feels good, alive even! Considering whether to jog later or not.

And my next week is already packed! Dont even have time for boyfriend during weekdays. *evil laugh*

praying hard i pass my last two papers.

Bye 2010, Hello 2011

sealing the good-bye of 2010 and welcoming 2011

i celebrated countdown with this bunch of wonderful people

Yesterday was really one of the craziest of my 23 years of life. I was never a party animal mainly due to my parents upbringing and also the friends I have surrounding me. Clubbing for the first time just two years ago. Pub was more of a common place to drink for me due to the relax environment. However, it was a rare thing too because most of my friends doesnt party / drink.

Went to this KTV pub which turns into a clubbing area at around 12am. It was FUN! I never party so hard before. It felt good not to be burden by projects, tests, exams, deadlines, research, basically academic stuffs. Thats why I'm welcoming 2011 with OPEN ARMS! I can get close to tears just by thinking about this. I really wont be able to done it without my coursemates, colleagues, boss, family and boyfriend.

Most importantly, I wont had been so cheerful without boyfriend, Darren Lee. He cannot imagine how positively he impacted me.

In the meantime of embracing 2011, 2010 was also filled with happy and memorable moments..

2010 started off with my parents re-vow

Then my cousin wedding to her long-time boyfriend..

In July, we went Tioman to celebrate our 3rd anniversary

In Sep, we went to Bintan to celebrate his birthday..

In Nov, I finally met my polymates to celebrate my birthday

Then a very touching birthday celebration with boyfriend and friends

That same week, we went to USS for the first time

Our last paper in PSB Academy (Henderson Campus)..

Boyfriend finally took me to the Zoo!!

And last but not least, we ended the month of Dec with a trip to Malacca..

Im 21 + 2

I realized there wasnt any post on my blog regarding my birthday when it was such a wonderful day! How can? So I decided to do an update before the end of the year.

I had never look so much forward to my birthday before I met boyfriend because he is the only one who really make that particular day special. The only special days in a year are our anniversay on 7 Jul, his birthday on 24 Sep and mine. But still, its my birthday that was the 'special' day out of everything. The one day that is fully mine.

Didnt want to go on a shopping spree in order to save some money, we went back to nature and have a walk in the parks linked up along henderson. Though nothing 'wow' it was our first time going there together and the rare times we are away from the noisy and fast pace singapore.

i hv the world so long he is mine and im his

its only on my special day that he cannot refuse to do anything i ask

Dinner was at SanTouKa which specializes in Hokkaido Ramen. I hearts the soup based to MAX! The best I ever had so far locally. Luckily we went early, otherwise we would have a long wait to get a table. And the table beside us are also celebrating a birthday.

love is in the air

Last stop of the celebration was at this KTV pub that we went previously where boyfriend's friends went frequently and one of his polymate works there. A very relax and cozy environment. I enjoyed having fun with them and even drank abit more than usual that day. While, its my birthday!

Boyfriend surpised me with Spike-D from Big O. Which his friends specially went to Town to purchase as its only available there. It only took me a lick off the 'happy birthday' decoration to guess the cake and I have it hit-on. Amazing right? Its the best durian cake at an affordable price. And its also my wish to have a birthday cake.

he was singing a string of birthday songs via the KTV

his friends who celebrated with me

It was really an amazing day and I was feeling kinda down after 12pm because it was no longer my day. But it was a day well spent and truly special to me only. Somehow each year there will be these little things that he will do to make me feel special in the midst of everyone else surrounding us. It was my first time having birthday song sang in front of so many strangers.

Pior to the actual day, I had two celebrations with my colleagues at work and also with my polymates. Had Sushi Tei and cake with colleagues and a Korean dinner with polymates.

Besides my 21st birthday, this is by far the next biggest celebration I had. And I felt 21 again! =D

he made me felt special
really special to be treated this way

Had a small trip with boyfriend and his friends and my brother to Malacca, Malaysia. Total damage to the bank account was large but was an enjoyable trip overall. Not only did it brought us closer (some of us never see each other before the trip), it bonded boyfriend and me too!

I dont know what I can do or say to tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of him. But I am. And very.

Food was cheap and good. Shopping was good but not that cheap. But managed to bought a pair of heels. Seriously considering to wear dress to work. =X Maybe I will feel happier then.

I cant wait to go on another trip with them. =D

On the other hand, 2010 is ending soon. We will be welcoming 2011 in a week's time and yet theres still no convrete plan for the celebration! -_- But it doesnt matters so long its with boyfriend.

In 2011, I will be starting on gym once a week, taking up patchwork lesson at CC once a week, baking and hopefully get a change of job. Gonna give myself at least a year to rest mentally and 'upgrade' myself in other aspects such as lifestyle. At the same time, I looking forward to NATAS fair in Feb!!! Going to Europe and hope they have some good deals. It will be a 2 weeks trip.

In Jan 11 I will be getting my results. *nervous*

Since the day I finished with my last paper, it had been fun-filled weekends BUT dead-bored weekday nights. Theres nothing to do at home and I felt 'useless' lazing around after work.

Today, finally made a trip to the CC and signed for up a handicraft course - Patchwork. Those sewing type and oldies blacket.. Cant wait for it to start.

Similarly, gonna make reservation for my gym assessment and start going for my gym lessons in Jan 2011.

For the time being, just gonna slack around as theres really nothing to do! On the otherhand, gonna take this 2 weeks to tidy up my work-stuffs.

Think the patchwork and gym gonna keep me busy for quite awhile. Will try out the different yoga classes they have.

Feeling better now that I know I wont be slacking all the way..

Going over to Malaysia this Christmas weekend with brother, boyfriend and boyfriend's friends.

But nothing yet for countdown..

Monday is my last paper to my degree programme. Its a love-hate feeling.

Love because Im finally finishing my part time education. And thats a VERY big deal because it means I have more time for everything else, like meeting friends, going on dates with boyfriend, meals at home, going crazy at night and doing whichever things I wanna do but got on hold because I need the time to rush my stupid and ever-growing amount of assignments.

Hate because I wont be seeing my sweetest coursemates, having dinner together and bitching about the useless lecturers we have.

On the bright side, we can always meet after work! =D

Gonna party hard after Monday's paper. And lots of gatherings to organize thereafter. Then going to Malaysia during the Christmas weekend, staying at boyfriend's friend's relative's house. They have their own vege and durain plantations!! Looking forward to it.

Sadly, boyfriend need to stay-in everyday..

But, his room is ready soon. As in REAL soon. Our bed is coming in today. I cant wait to sleep on the new bed. No more uncomfy and backache the next morning..

-i dont support you who support you..

and who i support?-

2 Bad news & 1 Good news

The bad news are:

Boyfriend is at the Zoo without me & its raining

Good news:

I'm at home

He went to the zoo WITHOUT me!!! Wt*.. But on the bright side, its raining! And who wanna go to the zoo on a raining day. *evil laugh*

But the worst part - he gonna book-in tomorrow at 7:30pm. Which means, I only have slightly more than 24hours with him, of which 8 hours we will be sleeping. So technically, it left us with less than 24hours. This is bad.

And tomorrow morning, we need to wake up early to go Q at IMM Starhub for iPhone. Yes, Im getting one. Because boyfriend wanted one, so I decided to get the same phone with him. So dont comment about it.

I seriously cant wait for exam to be over and party at night. Thereafter will be planning all the stuffs I wanna do but postponed / didnt do because of my studies. Gave up too much to complete my degree programe asap.

And forgetful me, had yet to blog about my birthday this year. It was a blast! =D

I wasnt happy today.. He 'dumped' me again for his campmates. Im really upset about it because I only get to see him on the weekends when he is off from his duty. While they see him everyday. And today, he chose to continue spending his 'after office hours' time with them rather than me. When he agreed to meet me for dinner.

I cried.

Through out the whole week, this is the only activity I look forward to. The only thing I work hard for. But all Im left with this weekend is being alone. Fyi, he's going oversea this weekend. So basically I wont see him till next weekend if he decides not to make time for me.

I hate it everytime when he 'dump' me for his friends or campmates. I mean, come on. Was it not a common understanding to spend time with each other once a week. To at least inform beforehand. I felt dumped. I felt unwanted. I felt lonely. And he didnt understand.

Im so pissed and upset till I went FB and saw the picture we took during my birthday celebration mid this month. Happiness was basically reflected from the picture. It brought a slight sense of warmth to my heart. But still. I cannot understand why I am being left out today. F all the agreements and promises.

Writing this entry make me wanna cry even more.

Try putting yourself in my shoes and feel what Im feeling. Its not like I will feel any better if you left me alone. It doesnt always work that way.

Loving someone gave them the power to hurt you
But the hurt are not physical.
It cant be seen
It cant be understood by others
But its there
The pain that slowly eats you from inside
The loneliness that make you lonely even when you are surrounded by friends
How can you protect yourself from this?
If you did,
You are not giving your significant ones your entire

How contradicting

Boyfriend's brother is ROM-ing soon with his girlfriend. Hence, boyfriend&sis is swapping room with the brother. Which means boyfriend is shifting back to his original room, the room where we spent most of the early part of our relationship in, the place where we became official.

Because of this, we decided to purchase a new bed, as the current one is not in good condition. And being me, I will get uncomfortable from sleeping on it. Though it doesnt come cheap, I think its a good investment. Plus, boyfriend loves to spend most of his bed laying on the bed, hence a good bed will be better for his back. And also, a new cabinet for clothes.

I cant wait to make the room a cozy one! We are already planning of the stuffs to get once we get more financial stabilize. Wireless surround system, TV console, wii accessories, a new dust bin, and some other accessories...

I think its worth saving up on others stuffs to make the room cozy and more comfortable. Partly because we can save money by staying at home and also, we both like having friends over for gathering. And this room will be the prefect place.

O yes. I collected my new ring.. PRETTY!! And it fits really well. But my phone cant capture the beauty of it, hence, didnt upload any photos. Wait till I get my new camera. =D

I was never a bling-bling girl. Mum brought me up brainwashing me that bling-blings are a waste of money as the value drop once you purchase it. It was boyfriend who make me appreciate and love it. The first bling-bling he bought me was for my 20th birthday, months after we got together. I'm great for his thoughtfulness. Ever since he had gotten me another two bling-bling. Its his way of pampering me because he knew I will never purchase one myself. And now, I love it. Appreciate the work behind a good cut and design. Now I know why they say bling-blings are a female's best friend. Thank you boyfriend.

You know what? I'm in love with the SK shop at JP2, especially with the store manager, Marcus Chan. Love him! Not the romantic way of course.

Went there yesterday to polish my necklace and ring and ended up chatting with him for half an hour! After learning that diamond value will increase instead of decreasing like it used to in the past, decided to drop by with boyfriend to see whether is there any new design and to upgrade, taking it as an investment. An expensive investment!

Took a long time to choose my new ring. Hard to find one that please me, till the point Marcus seems a bit scare of us. =X But I need to find one that I like! Ended up we took the ring that he suggested. A diamond resting on 4 heart-shaped crown with heart-shaped at the side of the base. Pretty special. The other one he recommended, I found the base looking like an ice cream cone and the diamond is like a scope of ice cream.

He's customer service is really really good and wonderful! Both of us like him. Whether its marketing strategy or not, at least we seems to really wanna find the best item that suit me. And met all my fussy and funny requests.

Going to upgrade the ring again next year. Cant wait!

Had a trip to A&E on the wee hours of Monday morning due to back ache. Doc say its a muscle sprain. Gave painkiller. It didnt got any better, even got worst. So mum took me to a private clinic. This time round the doc say its gastric flu, coze I vomited, no appetite, tummy damn bloated and I'm having gastric. -_- useless a&e doctor. =X

And guess what. Darren nagged again. Guess he will be forcing me to eat more now. It felt terrible to have gastric related stuffs. Damn uncomfortable and painful..

sighz..