One of my uncle had just passed away. I was wondering to note this down or not. I didnt really have much memory of him and his family. Or rather, he and his family and disappeared too long for me to remember his existence even.

After the phone call that came to deliver the news, I slowly started to recall about this person who share the same bloodline with me. Someone that even boyfriend wasnt even aware of.

I remembered we used to go to his house at Queensway.
The cement raw finishing floor.
The pet cage in the living room on the floor.
Cant remember its hamster or bird though.
The simple layout of the house at ground floor.
The family problem that arises which lead to another broken family in Singapore.
After the sale of the flat, he found another job.
Heard from my mum he even helped us in moving from JE to JW.
Then suddenly, he disappeared.
Not a single word.
I briefly remembered how he looked.
Thin, dark, like my father.
Taller though.

Will this lead to another family argument?

I hate Sundays.
I miss boyfriend.
I wish Mondays never come.

It will be a tough decisions.
Might not be successful also.
But no harm trying.

I was bored during my week-long MC stay at home due to chicken-pox and since boyfriend is around, we decided to do something. At least to get my mind off and feel abit productive from the stay at home.

Baileys Cheesecake (no-bake)

I couldn't recall where I gotten the recipe from so not posting it online. However, if any interested, this is definitely a must-try. Even first timer will be able to do this. Its simply so simple. The only troublesome part as of all no-bake cheesecake is to do the base one day in advance. For future, I would most likely increase the amount of Baileys and use warm water for the gelatin instead of cold water. Its basically a very light and smoothing cheesecake with a hint of Baileys.

Beside this, I had only been rotting away and watching drama online non-stop for the past few days. According to my auntie and boyfriend, my chicken pox is really little and small. Hope its really due to the medicine because I dont want to have a second time chicken pox. The itch is still bearable due to the anti-itch medicine. However, it will be tough adjusting back to work after this long break. Review on Wednesday to see whether I can go back to work. Most of the 'pox' is drying up. And starting to itch and hurt abit more.

Considering to do a chocolate cake or something next since Tuesday is a holiday. =)

The never-going-to-get-chicken-pox me finally had my CHICKEN POX!

Come to think of it. The first pox might just so started over the weekend. First notice the mega mark on my hand on Sunday actually. But never really thought much of it. It was only yesterday night that I wondered why I have 7 similar looking marks all over me. And also a few red dots. And there you go, a trip to the doctor and confirmed it as chicken pox.

Now suddenly, Im having all these 'pop-ing' all over me. Mega emo. Im so worry about the scaring.

One week after our anniversay, we had our second road trip to Malacca with my brother and friends. The trip was WAY better than the last. A memorable trip.

Just the drive over was way better. I didnt have any headache nor feel too digusted by the loads of houseflies. And guess what, I bathed in COLD water throughout the whole trip. Because there's no heater in the house that we stayed in.

Also had a super good shopping trip. The shopping center was having a mega sale, ranging from 10% to 70%!!! My most happy buy is a local designer top that was on 70% sales! Mega happy. Then also a few shirts for meeting.

The trip was also full of heavenly tasty local delights and nonetheless, CHEAP! Its cheap compared to singapore currency. Its only in Malacca that I allow myself to enjoy a pot of flower tea with cakes. Yummy. Just the though of it and I miss the food there.

Cant wait for the next trip. It was a good break from work.

07/07/11 was our 4th year anniversary. Its the longest relationship we both had. And yes, we are still happily together in our own little world and celebrate more 07/07 together.

Looking back, this was not an easy year for us.

We tripped on some stones, pull each other up, clean up the cuts, hold hand and continue to walk together. Not regretting our decisions and backing up each other through the hard time. I guess this is what it meant to be together.

And so, on this every date of 07/07/11, Darren planned on bringing me to MBS and having a nice international buffet at the hotel lobby followed by a walk at the Sky Park. I was a bit surprised by the planning because it was not the normal boyfriend I know of. He's getting better and better at all these.

It was a rather romantic date if you ask me. A good and enjoyable meal at a classy place and a trip up to Level 56 to look at the night view of Singapore. A stay at MBS on the day would make it too prefect. *haha*

I still remember the day he pops the question. Unlike this romantic date, it was in his room, by the window. Though we was more or less together, that question was very important to me. I was officially his girlfriend. And I have a boyfriend to offically call mine.

Someone that I can call anytime I want.
Someone to complaint to.
Someone to cry to.
Someone to share my happiness with.
Someone to unload my sadness.

He shares my tears
My happiness
My tiredness
My frustration

He gave me more than his heart

Thank you Boyfriend.

I might not be a prefect girlfriend.

But I hope in your heart, I am.

A 100/100 girlfriend.

Mr XX commented that I hadnt update my blog for a very long time. And since Im having one free day at home due to stomach flu, decided to update here. Fulfilling his reading pleasure.. =)

Work was usual. Crazy but still, getting abit immune and adapting the 'do-all-i-can' tactic. The to-do list is ever growing, how to meet all the expectations? Can only do what I can within my own means. Im no super woman. I only know the solution when I have met with a similar one in the past. O well.

And you know what, hes making me cry every Sunday. Not the sad heartbroken crying. But the touch-your-heart-deeply cry. Somehow, for the past few Sundays, we had been having these conversations on how we wont leave each others no matter what. Having abit of down-ness due to some stuffs but he assured me time and again he will be there. It was important to me. Though I have everything else, he's support meant more than anything. Only he's able to make me secure in this insecure being of myself. He touched not only my heart, but my life too. That stubborn-bad-temper girl is now less stubborn less bad temper.

Dar, thank you.

You made me complete.

Nothing else will change this.

The past week was bad. Because I have to eat all my dinner x 5days all by myself! Boyfriend was busy with camp due to the new batch of trainees. Felt so lonely. And worst, eating for the sake of eating. Dont enjoy a single bite at all.

Its a first.

I never felt theres a problem with dinner alone, especially since I will just buy home. And having not have dinner on weekdays previously due to school seems pretty normal to not have homecooked food. But this time round was bad. Felt so alone. And life-less. Boyfriend laughed when I told him, because he was my dinner-mate for the past few weeks.

Finally on Friday we had something nice. Refused to OT too!

Went gym on Saturday. Felt better. After sweating and just steaming myself in the steam room. Cooked dinner and pop over to boyfriend's house to rest. The bed is really super comfy! Slept all the way. Phone rang but never got woken up. A rare thing. And slept till 11. Another rare thing.

I drag tomorrow.
There's a 'war' in the afternoon.
Not like each day is not a fight on its on already.
*sigh*

Its the 4th week this week.

Everyday is still as crazy as ever. But luckily with more people coming in, the burden on me is lessen-ing. Time to concentrate on organizing and preparing to settle down on this. Like what my colleague told me, I still have some time to adjust because I still can use the excuse that I'm new. But how long others can be forgiving and overlook this? Not too long. Being young and inexperience doesnt help.

Today I heard this conversation. Someone in another department was trained for two years before this role was given to her. And two years later, shes pretty successful and comfortable with what she is doing. Its a total different case. I cant help but question whether this is the right choice or not. Its a good experience, but am I really up to it?

So far everyone had been encouraging. But how far will this goes? Eventually one by one, they will not be as forgiving.

Boyfriend had been very encouraging. Without him I doubt I can walk this far. Its the thought of knowing he's waiting for me to end work that kept me going for the past three weeks. And with all the late nights, we both felt sick. Recovering now, but still as tired as ever.

Hopefully everything can settle down soon so that I will have more time for other stuffs. I miss going to gym.

Dar, thank you for being there for me and pull me through this period. I really appreciate and thankful you were there to cheer me up. To listen to my compliants everyday. To tell me to jia you. It was really sweet of you. You didnt have to come down all the way, but you did. Sorry for making you worry. I promise I will take care of myself when you arent around.

Im filled with tonnes and tonnes of happiness this week.

Since Monday, boyfriend had been accompanying me for dinner every single day. At first I thought its purely because he's free in camp. It was only these two days then I realize its because he wants to make sure I have my dinner as I hadnt been having proper meals for quite awhile and its doing no good to my gastric and weight.

I love the feeling.

At work I would need to handle quite abit of stuffs. But once I stepped out of the office, I'm his. Just his silly girlfriend still. Nothing of that changes. This is what they call 'xiao nu ren' I guess. =)

Happiness is really just so simple.
Little gesture to show you care.

Someone told us he's envious of our relationship.
Our reply to him is this:
'This is what you see on the surface, but underneath it are disagreements and struggles that no one really sess or understand. But we do love each other. And as a respect for each others, we do not throw temper at each other in the public.'

We are really two very lucky individuals.

My life had been pretty exciting recently.

It was so exciting that Im getting nightmares again.

Work had been crazy since last week. New role, new duty. I cant say I can do a very good job in this, but I will definitely try my best. Thats the very least I can do. Theres many people who are very supportive and encourage me to take this up. I worry about the sudden increase in responsibilities and the well-being of others. I worry whether am I good enough to fulfill the gap. Its an overnight thing which theres no time for response, to rearrange. All theres left is surviving on a day-to-day basis and try to do as much as possible, till I manage to handle things on my own. Hopefully everything can settle down in 3 months. Theres normally how much one will take to adjust to a new environment. Wish me luck! =)

Had a short cooling off period with boyfriend. Dont ask me why, dont ask me what happen. Its over and the why is not important anyway. Whats important is that we are still good and together. It was a painful period for me, but I managed through with the constant sms and dinner dates with friends. Thank you!! Someone just cant be replace easily. I wont say I cant live without him because eventually we all move on, but I will be in pain without him. I guess to him its the same, thats why we are still together. This is what we want. Hopefully we can get what we want too. *cross fingers and toes*

Mr Gastric had been back to bug me, as such, boyfriend had been nagging again. Since Im back from the trip, I'm pretty sick of butter/jam bread, hence, no breakfast. Lunch is a must as I didnt had breakfast. But half the time, I cant stomach enough to last through the day. Dinner was super late recently due to OTs. Hence, Mr Gastric came back. Its not comfortable. Weird eating hours make me gain weight too! I hate it.

Been spending quite abit recently too. Bought some stuffs from Bobbi Brown that already cost me nearly $200, new dresses from Moonriver (1 for dinner later this month and 1 for work and whats-not), new sunglass from Dior which is already $350, 3 months worth of contact lens. All in one week. Shopping make me feels happier. Retail therapy I guess. Thats the only way to tell myself that working is worth it. Sad right?

So ya, basically, my life had been a super happening rollercoaster. Interesting huh? But I doubt anyone will want this. Hopefully 3 months later I can say Im a brave girl because I survived the toughest part already. =)

I hadn't really think of how to handle it.
Everything happened too fast and before I knew it, I was on the flight to Europe for more than two weeks.
Though its a past event now, but somehow deep inside, it still seems like a present issue. But we choose not to talk about it.
It hurt so badly that I felt so helpless and lost.
I cried and cried. Till I felt emotionless.
Then I lost sleep.
And I cried again.
If he really know me the best, this would not have happened.
Personally thats how I feel.
It hurt most when its the person that you hold most dearly to your heart that is the cause.

He once told me, think of the happy things, when I was feeling troubled and not able to sleep.

Can I use the same tactic tonight and believe with my heart and soul everything will work out tomorrow?

Please tell me it will. Please...

Its really busy busy for me. Not with school, but with other stuffs like my patchwork class, baking, spending time with boyfriend, gym-ing and the list goes on and on.

And.. Im flying off to Europe in 14days for 16days. =) Mum paid for the trip, otherwise I wont be agreeing to go. Its freaking expensive! The weather is kinda crazy now, so I still have no idea how much winter-alike clothes I need to bring there. This is prolly the coldest period I had ever went on a trip. Especially to the highest point in Europe. *wow*

I just wish theres more time with boyfriend.

Chocolate Red Wine Cake

Got this recipe from Food & Travel. A pretty simple recipe, my first time at baking cake though. Yes. My first. Decided to try this since there's a bottle of red wine at my house and none of us drink.

Maybe because I dont like the dryness of red wine, I cant really appreciate this cake. But generally, its a good chocolate cake. Looks and feels heavy, but its actually quite moist. Maybe I didnt use the correct baking tin, hence resulted in the slightly harder edges. Pretty ok for first timer I guess. *comforting self* lolz.

Shall let boyfriend grade this since he likes red wine.

Tiramisu

I had always wanted to make Tiramisu since we bought 2 coffee liquor from our Bintan trip last Sept. Finally get down to it last weekend. It was a pretty successful first try I must say since its almost gone in one night. But its really not easy nor cheap making this.

Before I decide whether or not to create another blog for my baking collections, shall share the recipes..

Tiramisu Mousse (modified from http://wensdelight.blogspot.com/2009/04/tiramisu-cream-cheese.html)
250g Cream cheese (Philidephia) - thaw for at least 1 hr
40g Sugar
1tbsp Icing sugar
3 Egg yolks
80g Coffee liquor (i use Bailey's)
1/2tbsp Gelatin (soak with 2 tbsp cold water)
250g Fresh cream (otherwise known as whipped cream)
Cocoa Powder for dusting

Syrup (gotten from other recipe) (i had 3 share of this for my 8'' tiramisu and barely sufficient)
100ml hot water with any instant coffee mix of your choice
20g Coffee liquor (i use Bailey's)

For the base, instead of sponge cake, I used store bought ladyfingers. Found them at Candy Empire.

Things to note:
1) Pretty challenging to hand-whipped the fresh cream + icing sugar into cream. Similarly for whipping the egg yolk + sugar into cream
2) A tap too little mousse for a 8'' square tin
3) Any coffee liquor of your choice will be good. Bailey's add a very smoothing effect to the cake that I cant find outside
4) Chilled overnight

This recipe is definitely a keeper. But most likely getting boyfriend to do the whipping for me next time. O ya, for the usual Tiramisu, another type of cheese is used rather than cream cheese. I thought NTUC only carry cream cheese so ended up looking for this recipe, no regrets though as the response are good.

i'm really happy i found you...

i'm glad i found you too..

=)

Valentine Day 2011

Its our 3rd Valentine Day together. And like previous years, we didnt really celebrate. Just a simple dinner due to various reasons e.g. poor & rushing service for places that offer V-Day menu. Both of us dont appreciate a rush meal nor under-standard food. No compliant though, as the main celebration for us is our anniversary in July.

But like any couple, I would really love to express my appreciation that Darren makes (and continue to do so) me into a better person.

His endless love
His unquestionable trust
His guardians when I'm lost
His support when I needed that little bit of encouragement
His protection from 'evil'
His familiar scent - Unforgettable
His always warm and assuring hugs
His gentle caring
His nagging that warms and irritates me both at the same time

He also taught me to be more social
More caring
More forgiving
More loving
More happy
More strong
Less emo
Less fussy
Less angry
Less stubborn

And most importantly, to have more FUN!

I never knew I can be so happy.
He taught me the real meaning of enjoying life and living it to the fullest.

Dar, thank you for coming into my life and allowing me to enter yours too.

my prefect man

I finally bought a pair of boots! From Aldo. CNY shopping.. Its almost half the budget that boyfriend allows me to purchase at. So I'm really happy with the purchase. The original pair I wanted is from Ecco which cost over $300. This current pair is $180. There goes my extra pocket money from CNY. Now I just need to get some leggings and I'm good to go to Europe!

Yes. The sole reason why I wanted a pair of boots is for Europe. Vain right? But how often you will fly to such a fair away country?! Even if I cant buy any branded bags back (though I'm sure to at least get one), I have pretty photos! So I'm determined to travel in style this time. Boots, trench coat, dress, leggings, shorts. The typical style you cannot really enjoy in the warm weather of Singapore.

And boyfriend promised me we will go to a short getaway to celebrate my official graduation in Nov. *happy* Not sure whether we will get any short getaway in the middle of the year though. Malacca? Or locally? Hmmm..

I have mix feelings about the long trip though. Because it means not seeing boyfriend for 15/16 days. Hopefully they have wireless at the hotels.

I HAD OFFICIALLY ENDED MY UNI PART TIME (NO LIFE) STUDY ON 27 JAN 11 9PM!!!

Officially because I got my final results only on 27 Jan, 9 pm. Though I had been enjoying my life to the max during the past one month plus, but to do it officially from now on is on a totally different level.

The feeling of waiting for the results 1 hour before was too much for me to take. Upon seeing the results that I passed, the feeling just overwhelmed by the happiness of leaving behind the toughest period that I just cried in front of the computer. Mum cried with me too.

Its the feeling of not ever going back to school after a tired day at work, not having to pull yourself up the bus and train then back home, not needing to stay up late at night till 4am to rush my assignments or write exam notes, not having to give up time with friends, family, boyfriend and myself to academic stuffs, not lossing sleep due to projects, not feeling so tired that I sleep in school, and the list just goes on and on. Having just two days to study for exam is no joke and I'm truly glad that I made it through.

I finally did it.

Graduation will be on 19 Nov 11.
3 days after my birthday.

Really thank all from the bottom of my heart to those who help and support me throughout this two years..

And now, the next biggest thing will be the Europe trip in April!! =D