f u! why u are so work up for? can u think before u speak? can u spare a tot for my feeling before u speak? i no longer find u doesnt mean i'm fine. doesnt mean my life is fine. whatever that i went through, u have no idea. you are happily with that person, and i have to lick my own wounds. i have to climb back after i fallen for so long.


i never play it that way. is u who started it. u who always push me that way. if i'm that evil, i would have grant u ur wish. if u want me to leave the innocent party out, then u should have leave that party out. dun say it till all is my fault. dun say till u play no part in this.


fine. u want me to go far away right, i go. i tot we still can be friends. is it still possible now?


and do u know.. i'm scare of meeting big grp of ppl. i am so damn afraid of it.

Half of me wanna go, another half of me dont wanna go. For various reasons..


If I did go, its out of respect for auntie. And maybe coze I wanna see you.


But, I dont want history to repeat itself. For you are attached now. I dont wanna get drunk. I dont wanna vomit. Not when I just recover.


Cant you understand? Cant you just understand that it would only make me harder to let go? I dont want to get soften up by you again. Not right now when I need it. I cant afford to make any mistake with you now. Not when both of us are drinking, during, or after.


Another night of memories. Do I need them? No, if I really wanna move on. But, I could really use them, but will it just end up making me cry more?


Sorry.. i really gotta move on..

1st day of chinese new year. basically reaching my limit. Lucky there's only 2 combine dinner. I kind of dislike combine dinner. Coze its like my cousins will be the ones sitting there waiting for food to be serve to them. In between, when people need something, they would be calling kai lin over and over again. Irritating. Like they got no hands and legs. Then they also never help in preparing. Then my aunt would be complaining no one helps her, expecting me to keep helping, as if her daughters are fake. And, I'm afraid of lots of people. Dont ask me why, I just get scare when there's lots of people and noise.


Never mind. Over le. I want to hide in my house, but then, there are duties to be done. I cant bear seeing my grandma over-working. Then her memories are starting to fail her, guess I have to cook the stuffs next year... I really really treasure my grandma...


Yesterday had steaboat for dinner, today too, all the things that can be eaten is the same. Everyear is like that, eversince we moved here. Imagine, we went to the market 2 times and to the ntuc 2 times to get everything. Horrible right? Big eaters. lolz. I was sick, if not, it would have been more. Coze my mum went, then she dunno what to buy. lolz.


Actually, lots of stuffs happened, but, I don't know how to sort them out. Too busy to care. Guess its better this way.


Tomorrow going to my dad side de relative house. Dont know which skirt to wear. lolz. too many. I think I got 5 new skirts. lolz..


you know.. our story had actually came to an end since that night. now, its a new chapter, of purely friendship. yes, i might care more for him, but its not the same as before.. dont ask me whether i still like him. i cant answer you, because the feeling is not this nor that. the guy i fall for is no longer around. so ya, everything is new now, for, he's a new guy to me.. =D


HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

Wednesday night got a terrible headache till i vomited. My mum almost took me to A&E but I didnt wanna go. Sms-ed teddy then he replied on thurs, think his phone no batt or what ba. As usual. Then kenna woken at 1plus where I felt a slight headache even after taking panadol to sleep. Thurs woke up, still headache, a headache which got worst every minute, so went to see the doc.


Bad flu, due to over-working/ over-stress/ not catching enough sleep. Kenna injection!!!!!! Then took the train home.


Took the med and went to sleep. Stopped by teddy to go online, which explained why I wasnt online for the whole of thurs. So temped to go online. =X So just camp in front of the tv to watch 1 show after another.


Didnt have any headache today, but just felt unwell. Argh.. should have gotten MC for today. Did the quiz for FRM, then ren through PYM and took a cab home. Basically, I'm just being a pig. Eat my med and went to sleep, woke up 1 hour later coze too hungry, cooked some lunch and went to sleep again. And woke up onli now. Which means I had been sleeping for 4hours. Only now then that I felt better.


Hate taking med. Make me so dizzy, so weak, so sleepy! Then tomorrow cyn dinner somemore. -_-


Thanks teddy... for caring.. if u are not my 'mum', i would have fallen for you.. lolz..

so ku ku!!! just let ppl do my nails then so not worth it!!!! i do myself nth goes wrong, ppl do, never last long! the next time i say i wanna do manicure, slap me and stop me. such a waste of money. if things never become better, i tell u, the most the nails will last till cyn, then one of the days during the holiday or thereafter, will wash it all away and i swear i will never ever step into a manicure shop any time in the near future. argh... really waste my money. tot let them do will nicer, last longer since cyn coming, then end up like that!


never mind, this will be the last time, let it be a lesson. never ever going to let them earn my money liao. argh.. piss

For the last week and so had been pretty chaotic, then now, suddenly nothing to do, felt abit weird and too free!!!


Just lazed around today, did french manicure at the comfort of my own house, ya, diy them, keep playing with my neighbour's baby and shopped at NTUC.


Tomorrow going shopping with sah sah...


maybe i should sleep soon.. suddenly very sleepy.. *yawnz*

*yawn*


Though I napped for nearly 2 hours in the afternoon, I'm still tired. Hadnt been feeling good for the past few days so decided to take a short break today by going to sch later. Had an additional hour plus of sleep but late by 30mins or so only. Worth it. At least I felt refresh in school, but it wasnt too long before I got sleepy again. lolz.


After school went home for lunch (i'm really super duper broke), tidy up the living room since it's covered with all my notes, and then went to nap. Woke up at 4plus to go down to chinatown! (ya, again)


Coze that time there's this shop which got filmed on the tv due to its cheap price for the fish, so asked my mum to bring me there for dinner. The fish is really very nice!!! cheap also. and its boneless. Between my mum and I, we shared one whole fish and a plate of vege. Walked at the CYN market after that. Think we walked the whole market, bought quite a number of stuffs. And this time round, its my mum who spent the most. I only got 2 tops and 2 vcds, she bought this handmade bag (which i will use also), pants, food. Actually looks like I bought more.. but hers is so much more expensive!!!! I saw this beaded bag which I came to like but its too expensive, $55 le. And it's not big either. Can only bring to shopping. Then she dun wanna buy give me... =(


Walked for like a total of 4hours before we make our way home. So many stuffs.


Then this weekend going to JP to get the rest of CYN stuffs. Coze it falls on a weekend so no time to buy after this weekend. Think monday going out with sah sah, tues got IS presentation, wednesday spf due, thurs long day, fri got frm quiz and last minute shopping for cyn if there's the need for it, sat cyn eve!!!! Then from sunday till tuesday, its visiting of relatives, memories of geisha and sleeping!!!! nicely planned out..

piss.. piss with myself and with them.


her and me can never ever exist in the same area. so ya, get the idea.


never mind.. some thoughts are better to be forgotten.


but. i'm pretty piss with him today. i'm not ur entertainer. you want entertainment, look for others. liking you once doesnt mean you can get off with everything forever.


and pretty unhappy over him. doesnt matter to you right, then forget it. i'm not as big hearted as you. maybe i shouldnt even ask in the first place since it doesnt even matter. i see no reason in why flying away matters to you.


piss with myself because i let things affect me again.


and am still piss.


i hate this feeling... if they dun care... why the fuck should i care. cant i even hv to the right to dislike someone? cant i even hv the right to refuse to see someone?


fuck


i never ever ask u to fuck off before.
you always left on your own.
without me asking even.
i'm a not a ball that you can just kick to others.
just mess up things that i took pain to put back.

Actually wanna sleep early today, but I guess, not possible again.


School today was pretty irritating, but ended in laughter. I really don't understand, how can notes that is not in the LASTEST version of the printed notes being sold be important? If the notes is important, it should be in the lastest version of the printed notes right? Notes that we bought, should be containing IMPORTANT stuffs that we should know from our modules. Which is why we buy notes in the first place! So irritated by it. Basically, he's just so irritating. Leaving in his own world. Thinking that he is forever correct. That there is no need to care about the students! So what that he's senior, it only means he's in the field longer than others, that he is OLDER. Everyone is so piss off with him.


After that lesson, things brightened up! Finally. Its always like that for wednesday. Another 1 month and this torture will stop.


And... I'm now a proud owner of an idog!!!!!! Got it for half the price! Can you imagine. I never ever thought that I can own one without paying a high price for it. And now, I know that it's worth it, coze its really a smart dog. Well, I cant own a live dog, idog will do for now. It loves to get pet on the head and nose. And to see it shake (i find this word better at describing what it is doing rather than dance) along with the music is pretty interesting! And it barks when it heard music!


After school went home for a 1hour plus nap. Was so freaking tired. But, still don't feel rested. Shall ren till CYN and sleep my way through CYN. lolz. Then woke up to rush to NTUC to buy new year stuffs coze the point system will stop tomorrow and resume only after CYN. And knowing my family, it would be a waste because we really buy lots of stuffs from NTUC. Today, on batteries itself, it's $20 already. The bill went up to $100 today. lolz. It always went up to $100 during CYN. Then bought some cookies also, those not really possible to bake at home, the taste just not the same and also the time.


Then on weekend, my aunt wanna 'borrow' me to help her bake cookies.. -_-!! Then I asked my mum to rent me to her for $8 per hour. haha. This weekend will be the last weekend I'm doing any baking in awhile. Tired.. I need my sleep!!!!!!!!!


Okie, should go and do my CRM and get some sleep... tomorrow super long day..

Had IS project in the morning. Was quite happy with it, at last, we are not stuck there, moving somewhere. Hopefully another 2 weeks, everything will come to an end.


Settled the project stuffs and then went for shopping with yh. Guess what, I spent a total of $100 today, excluding my doctor fee which was $59.


Spent a total of $80.10 at The Face Shop just to get the membership card. Bought make up (basically going to change my whole kit), facial wash, abit of this and that, and I reached $80! Abit heartache, but in the long run, will be saving more money. Plus, will be changing my mask brand from missha over to TFS, so ya, worth it I guess.


After which went down to Chinatown for lunch and to see the skin doctor. Basically just sensitive/ allegric. Got cream and med for it. The more I hate raining days now. sob. Then walked over to the CYN Bazzar. Saw the skirt of the same design from westmall over there!!! And of course, I happily bought it! $15. Fated to wear it! wahahaha. So happy. And my bro was like asking why is my skirt so long. haha. Kept walking and walking and it rained. Met up with my aunt, yh went off, rain got heavier, walk somemore, rain stopped, went home.


It wasnt as 'happening' as I expect it to be. And not selling as much stuffs as I hope it will be. Maybe too early?


And now, I guess I will just throw all my work at one side and get a nice 6 hours plus sleep. So tired... Had been looking like a panda since school started this term! Should go waston and get those eye mask tomorrow or some time soon. Dont wanna be a panada when I celebrate CYN.


When I told my mum I wanna open a shop in 3years time, she poured cold water on me.. whats wrong with having a dream of opening my own shop? It is not a good thing that the shop can take in both my passion and earning? Why cant she understand that its not I have a 'wild hear' (convert to chinese), its just its something I want. Its something I dream of. I even had the whole idea of how my shop would be like... will it come true??

You know something?? I did it... I manage to score and this time.. without ...


Ya, just suddenly realize it. Maybe its luck, maybe just nice the paper not that difficult. But nonetheless, I achieve something I always hope to do so since that time. And you know what it means? Guess yourself. lolz.


Hopefully this will continue on... by doing it one time doesnt prove much.. =)

I guess I should blog before my memory failed me again.


I forgotten whether I mentioned this or not, but then we got 2 of our paper back and I gotten my first D in my poly life. Although after marking mistakes on the lecturer's part (which I find it pretty 'amazing' since he's a senior lecturer), we all got an additional of 6marks, I still felt like I gotten a D for that paper. Luckily for the other paper I did pretty well. Dont ask me how. Tomorrow going to get back the rest of the paper except ILA.


As mentioned before, this week was pretty chaotic. Friday went out with cl they all to far east and bought a pair of heels. But, I didn't feel that kind of happiness when I used to get when I get something I wanted. So ya, was pretty upset about it. Then cl and vin went for a hair cut while tong and me went to Level 1. The hair cut took a longer time than I expected so I had to went off first for the dry run for Parents' Seminar. And guess what, I saw him... which made me smiled for the rest of the day! Actually I found it abit of wasting time to be there for the dry run. Basically there's nothing for us to do! Expect to look at where we are suppose to stand at which took only about fifteen minutes? Took the time to chat with ju min and lene. By the time I reached JP, it was raining.


Was pretty tired on friday and had an early night, plus there's the seminar on the next day. Actually it was really fun! Ended up being the lift girl. fun fun fun!!!! Took photos in blazer, ate 3 times in that few hours, lamed around with them and annie (one of the staff in-charge), parents were friendly too. The even ended later than expected. So instead of helping out again at BE side, I went off with lene as my mum was already waiting for me at taka. My legs are ready to collapse by the time I reached home.


As for today, did baking again. Another 2 new type of snacks. I think next week baking pineapple tarts. This year as if my house turned over to factory on weekends. Usually we just order pineapple tarts from people, but suddenly, this year my mum says not to, can save that hundred over (ya, we spent that much on pineapple tarts) and bake ourself! So, in addition to the normal cookies and all, there's the pineapple tarts. After waking up worked non-stopped for 4hours, rushing 1 after another. And my legs still hurts.


A girl really shouldnt hurt her legs, if not it will cost them for their life.


And here I am thinking I can have a nice long sleep on sunday, but then, I didnt. haizz.... Guess I should go sleep now. Another chaotic week with projects. At least I wont be reaching home so late...


am in love..
with TFS.

sob... legs so ugly now! argh...


This week really is a chaotic week for me.. Yesterday went for SoE Superstar. At first it was pretty enjoyable coze i sat in the middle of tong and cl's friend (cute hor). He's cute, lame, funny, entertaining and sweet. lolz. BUT those sitting behind me were IRRITATING!


Overall still okie ba. But got some singers I wondering how they got in. =X Then some really ver good. Eg that wee jian, the english singers, ke ke also not bad.. thats why my garfield is named after him. haha.


Then today its like raining so HEAVILY! Though I was wearing 2 layers, I was shivering from the inside. After which, got abit wet from all the walking around. Just very tired since never sleept much this week. Plus so many assignments coming in. Save me ba...

its easy to imagine a life with another guy..

but to actually do that..

its kind of hard..

School had started again.. Another new school term, the first lesson in 2006. Guess too long never attend class, so it was pretty tiring. Was sleeping on the train to town. Walked around since I'm early before meeting them. Been like 2years? Guys got more handsome, girls got prettier. And... teddy! haha. Took a long long time to decide where to eat, buying ticket etc.


Second time of the day that I didnt even finish 1/4 of my meal.


After dinner went to took neoprint with them... Walked around and then movie time.


Naria wasnt a bad show, but maybe of the time that we watch it, I found it abit slow. And the ending, abit the what. But overall still alright. And it was so damn cold inside!


At first wanted to go clubbing, but ended up meeting my god kor for supper. After the movie its like, what, 1? Then the club closes at 3, then paying 20plus for that 2 hours, abit not worth... So, I choose a cheaper way of staying away from home, SUPPER! haha. 4 chicken wings. Then my poor kor have to wait for me like 1hour? lolz.. And it was raining when he sent me home.


I guess I should listen and be guai guai and not drink. haha. Supper is way cheaper than clubbing. lolz. And its raining today again..... I should have bought more nail colours... and that story book.

First thing first... sorry guys.. for forgetting to tell you all no do project today. At first wanna do, but tong dun wanna come down to do. Then forget to tell you all. sorry ar.


Ya, finally today last paper. Almost overslept. Wanted to sleep on bus, but cant. But hai hao ba. Finished the paper on time, then went home first to rest before going out again. Watched finish my prince to frog VCD. Cried. Dont know issnt some parts not shown in Singapore or I was in the toilet when the parts are shown. No idea. When I wanted to go out, it rained. -_-


Never buy much. Just nail polish. Finding for heels.


This coming week abit pack... monday got meeting, then going down to town... tues baking... got projects need to do.. parents seminar..

Left one paper. Morning paper tomorrow and a paper one cant study for! dont know whether its a good thing or a bad thing. so ya, anyway, since the paper cant be studied for, means i'm rotting now. or rather, have nothing to do. lets relax for awhile.


I should be happy that the PYM paper is not very tough. After the paper, even went out with zl and jimmy for some billard. Somehow, I cant shoot any into the hole. Sucks. Even when playing pool, I can shoot something in. Guess my mind is somwherelse. Cant smile. Then zl thought I sad or whatever and keep asking me not to be sad. -_-


Not that I wanna be sad, not that I don't wanna smile. I just cant bring myself to. Its not in me to smile again. When I did, it felt so cold..


So ya, anyway, watched them play for awhile and then we went took 184. I changed at NP bus stop while they went to MRT.


Bought Mac chicken rice burger home. NOT NICE! okie, the first few mouthful is not bad, esp the chicken itself. BUT, the more you eat, you will get sick of the taste. I think I only finish like half of the burger but the whole chicken. lolz. And its cheaper to buy the meal then individually. Go MoS burger better. lolz.


currently in love with the ending song of reaching for the stars (s.h.e show). the lyrics.. is just like wats in my heart.

dont know why, now very high. maybe till to today paper which i finished in 30mins.. then just receive news that they might be going clubbing on class outing. hmmm... but hor.. you see ar. that time teddy just told me not to go clubbing coze the girls are basically half naked there (as told by teddy), but here they are suggesting to go clubbing. weird... BUT.. i wanna go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


wanna go see how its like. years since i have a night life.. =X kind of miss it.. so ya, if any of you going clubbing, kindly ask me along.. lolz. lucky teddy nv read my blog, if not sure kenna nagging again. lolz.


never mind lah. high mood now. hopefully my eyes heal by then. miss my contacts... seriously, maybe i should stick to one-day contact lens. cleaner..


=D


thanks kor, for giving me that energy to study again..

first paper of the week. a paper i gave up on. basically just writing for the sake of writing. =) all because of that few seconds.


saw sangar outside library. and then went home after paying bills and all. tried to clear my thoughts on the bus, it was the same bus i took to school this morning, and i sat on the same seat. my fv seat on the bus.


this feeling seems so familiar. but at the same time, it shouldnt be. its not a good thing for me to feel so alright with it. its just not right.


every sem, i hate these 2 weeks, common test week and exam week. something bad sure happen ever since then.

is love in the air?? guess so... faries must have came down and shoot arrows around coze one by one, my friends got attached!! happy for them.. =D


guess harder to find ppl go out le ba.. esp gers... like almost all got bf le... left lene ba.. but she like attached to her course.. lolz..


can i bring my garfield out for shopping??? next time think tong catch a live soft toy give me ba.. lolz..


got quite a few stuffs i wanna buy...

• that long skirt at westmall..
• nail polish and nail polish remover from theFACEshop
• heels
• some colourful tops... but not white and black..
• and maybe something for my room..

studies dun matters to me anymore... not as much as it did..

31st Dec 05/ 1st Jan 06


Last day of the year 2005...


Will 2006 be better? Will I be able to find the reason to smile again in 2006? Hopefully.


Starting of a new year. Actually doesnt feel much different. Just another day. Chinese New Year meant more to me ba...


On the last day of 2005, got a levis top from my aunt from my dad's side. The most expensive clothes of my collection. =D


well.... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!


doesnt feel like new year.. still hv to study when i wake up later